TARZAN, THE APE MAN

"Unlike any other 'Tarzan' you've ever seen!" So reads the tagline from this 1981 cinematic offering of Tarzan. And you know something? It is unlike any other Tarzan flick you've EVER seen! Tarzan, the Ape Man stars eighties sex icon Bo Derek as Jane and noted B-movie actor Miles O'Keefe who actually made his, um, acting debut in this film as a silent Lord of the Apes (except when he's lip-synching Tarzan's signature yell) after the original actor cast in the role of Tarzan was either fired or quit and Miles, who was initially the actor's stunt double, was immediately cast in the role, which, of course, may explain why he's so silent. Of course, moviegoers--in particular those of the female (or homosexual) persuation--probably won't notice as he's nearly naked throughout the film save for Tarzan's, uh-hum, signature loincloth. Likewise, Bo Derek--whose biggest "hit" movie is arguably the late Dudley Moore vehicle 10 which was released before Tarzan--shows filmgoers her, shall we say, goodies like she has in practically every damn film she's ever starred in. But what keeps this film, which Bo actually produced and her husband the late John Derek directed, from being just mere T & A schlock is actor the late Richard Harris--who more than likely pulled a Richard Burton (in that he more than likely did this film for a paycheck)--who gives what has got to be one of the most over-the-top performances ever to be captured on celluloid as Jane's adventure-seeking estranged father. The scenery in the movie is also pretty (and, no, I'm NOT talking about the rampant nudity!) as the film was shot in Sri Lanka and some other "exotic" locale I've never heard of before and you've probably never heard of so I won't bother to mention it here, though the film is supposed to take place in West Africa. Anyway, as you can probably imagine, the movie was universally panned by critics when it was released--though it was a box office hit (gee, I wonder why!)--as famed movie critic Leonard Maltin derided the film as "deranged" and implied how it was one of the worst films he'd ever seen and Bo Derek "won" the award for "Worst Actress" at the aforementioned Razzies probably for delivering lines such as "They're washing me like a horse!" while she's being washed and painted while fully-nude (of course!) by the women of the primitives who capture her and her father and her father's photographer who's played by . . . aw, who the hell cares! The movie ends with Jane rollicking with Tarzan in the altogether while she's being felt up by an ape. And THIS chick's supposed to be a Republican?! Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes, which is the vastly superior Tarzan movie starring actual actor Christopher Lambert (of Highlander and Diane Lane fame) as an actual speaking Tarzan that was released a couple of years after Bo Derek's--again, shall we say--version of Tarzan was released, it most definitely AIN'T!