LADY DEATH: THE MOTION PICTURE

 

 

Lady Death: The Motion Picture is the straight-to-video animated film version of the "cult" comic book/graphic novel. Lady Death has been in different incarnations since the character's inception in the early-nineties. The animated feature was released in 2004 by now-defunct anime distributor A.D. Vision and has since been re-released. The movie is a bit different from the comic books/graphic novels in that Lady Death is more of a "heroic" figure than she tends to be in print. The movie mostly gives the back story of Lady Death as she starts off being a human girl named Hope whose father is a merciless tyrant named Matthias who turns out to be Lucifer himself. Matthias keeps Hope a virtual prisoner in his castle until she finally discovers the horrible truth about her father one night when the townsfolk, led by a rather sadistic priest, finally decide to revolt against Matthias and his barbarism. When Matthias/Lucifer goes back to Hell, he leaves his daughter Hope at the hands of the vengeful townsfolk and the sadistic priest. While she's being held captive by the priest, Hope gets visited by one of Lucifer's men, a sort of Satanic jester named Pagan, who offers Hope a chance to save herself if she agrees to go to Hell and serve her father. At first, Hope vehemently declines Pagan's offer, but then has a change of heart when she gets burned at the stake. When she arrives in Hell, she gets tortured by Pagan before he allows her to see her father. To Hope's horror, she sees both her mother and her lover Niccolo--whom her father had forced to "work" for him while he was on Earth--imprisoned by Lucifer. When Lucifer asks her to join him in exchange for their lives, Hope angrily turns him down, saying how she's fed up with his lies. So he banishes her from his castle. As she roams Hell, Hope meets up with another demon named Cremator who was once a master blacksmith and slave to her father. He, too, was cast out when he tried to go up against Lucifer and was unsuccessful. Sensing an immense power within her, Cremator agrees to train Hope. Vowing revenge against her father, Hope trains with Cremator and transforms herself into the scantily-clad Lady Death. Along the way, Lady Death and Cremator gather a demon army to help them fight against Lucifer. Lady Death: The Motion Picture would likely appeal to diehard fans of the Lady Death comic books/graphic novels, though certain "religious" types might take issue with some of the themes within the movie (but then, don't certain "religious" types take issue with pretty much anything?). Lady Death: The Motion Picture I feel would also appeal to fans of anime since, though it's certainly not the best animated film ever made, it is certainly one of the more, shall we day, unique anime flicks I have seen. Plus the fact that Lady Death spends about three-fourths of the flick scantily-clad is an added bonus (even though she IS animated!)!



HATCHET

 

 

Hatchet is yet another "slasher" horror film along the lines of Friday the 13th, which is rather appropriate since the killer in this film is played by Kane Hodder who, as any "slasher" horror flick aficionado no doubt knows, played Jason Voorhees in about three or four of those movies. Besides Hodder, Hatchet also features a cameo from none other than Robert Englund who, of course, played Freddy Krueger in the original Nightmare On Elm Street flicks. In this flick, Englund plays a redneck swamp hunter who gets offed by Hodder's character within the first five minutes of the flick. The film takes place in New Orleans, Louisiana. During a trip to Mardi Gras, a couple of friends decide to go on this swamp tour one night along with a group of other tourists given by this rather shady tour guide. It probably goes without saying that the tour group gets stranded out in the swamp where they start being picked off one-by-one by Hodder's character whom we find out from this redneck chick in the group--whom we also learn is on the swamp tour to search for her missing father (who turns out to be Englund's character)--that he's this deformed monstrosity named Victor Crowley who was thought to have been accidentally killed by his own father with a--that's right!--hatchet to his deformed head after some kids set fire to their backwoods house one Halloween night and his father was trying to break down the door with the hatchet and instead hits his deformed head with the hatchet instead. After the father dies ("from a broken heart," according to the redneck chick who's telling the story), people start mysteriously disappearing in the swamp. Of course, like Jason Voorhees, Victor Crowley is hard to kill as he's shot, stabbed and even set on fire at one point but, like his fellow maniac undead killer Jason, he just won't stay down. He manages to kill off everybody in the group--or at least we're led to believe he's killed pretty much everyone--save for the redneck chick whom Crowley--spoiler alert!--grabs a hold of while on a boat in the middle of the swamp before the screen suddenly fades-to-black before the credits roll, thus setting the stage for a sequel (which. at the time of this writing, there has been two). Hatchet is pretty typical "slasher" horror film fare, although Victor Crowley does find some rather ingenious ways to off his victims; like, for instance, he pins the rather shady tour guide down on the ground and he digs a shovel deep into his neck thereby popping his neck clean off. Nice! Anyway, diehard fans of the "slasher" horror film genre will probably enjoy this film the best, especially fans of Friday the 13th who'd like to see Kane Hodder in a different "slasher" role (and, believe you me, he looks pretty damn creepy in this flick!). Oh yeah, this flick also stars actress Mercedes McNab who is perhaps best known for her recurring role in the popular TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. McNab plays a VERY ditzy blonde in this flick whose character rather mysteriously disappears without really knowing what happens to her character (I believe they saved that for the sequel). Mercedes also, I think I should point out, shows her bodacious ta-tas at least a couple of times in this flick. Now if THAT doesn't convince you to watch this flick, I don't know WHAT will! (Yeah, I know, I'm a perv!)    



BLACK CHRISTMAS

 

 

Black Christmas is a 2006 remake of a 1974 horror film. I haven't yet watched the original so I can't rightly comment on it, but the remake offers up practically every horror "slasher" cliche in the book: a silent serial killer who's difficult to kill who killed his family escapes from the insane asylum where he was sent to and he terrorizes a houseful of young people (in this case, a sorority house where said serial killer once lived with his family he killed), the serial killer has a horrific (pardon the pun!) backstory (like, for instance, the killer's cruel mother kept him in the attic after offing his father and had him impregnate her so he could give birth to his inbred sister), the killer manages to kill off everyone save for one person--usually a girl--who manages to kill him, stop me if you've heard all this before. Still, in spite of the flick's "slasher" plot familiarity, Black Christmas isn't terribly bad as far as "slasher" flicks go. The killer in the flick is named Billy who was born with a rare liver condition that makes his skin look yellow. As a result, Billy's mother abuses him and ends up murdering his father while he watches. So she locks Billy up in the attic and marries the guy who helped her off Billy's father. Wanting desperately to have another child that she can actually "approve" of, and seeing as how her new husband is unable to give her one, she goes up in the attic where Billy is one night and . . . well, I think I'll let you use your perverted imagination at this point, all right? In any case, she gives birth to Billy's "sister" named Agnes whom Billy's mother treats like a princess who likewise gets sent to an asylum after Billy kills his mother and stepfather and he gouges her eye out one Christmas. In one of the movie's gorier moments, Billy carves out his mother's flesh with a cookie-cutter after he strangles her with a strand of Christmas lights and beats her with a rolling pin--nice!--and bakes her flesh in the oven in the shape of Christmas cookies of which the police find him eating when they enter the house. Yum! (By the way, the film shows all of this in a series of flashbacks.) Several years later on one snowy Christmas eve, Billy manages to escape the looney bin by stabbing the security guard with a candy cane he sharpened and kills another man wearing a Santa outfit. While dressed in the Santa outfit, he heads off to his former home that now is a sorority house. You know what's coming next, don't you? There is a kind of twist in the flick in that it turns out--spoiler alert!--there's two killers, one of them being, of course, Billy and the other one being his nutso "sister" Agnes whom everyone believed disappeared after she was released from the asylum. And, like I pointed out before, everyone gets offed save for one lone blonde girl who manages to kill both "sister" Agnes while she's in the hospital by--second spoiler alert!--burning her to death with a defibrillator and then kills "brother" Billy by pushing him down the stairs and impaling him on a Christmas tree. Merry Christmas! Like I said, Black Christmas isn't too terrible of a "slasher" flick even though it's definitely not the first said "slasher" flick that's mined the Santa-Claus-serial-killer angle before--the earlier-reviewed Silent Night (which is, of course, a remake of another "slasher" flick) is an example (and is, I feel, a better "slasher" film)--and could most definitely be a "holiday" film for those who are sick to death (again, pardon the pun!) of seeing 24-hour-a-day reruns of A Christmas Story and/or It's a Wonderful friggin Life. And what BETTER way to celebrate the holidays by watching a flick of a serial killer and his inbred sister brutally killing a houseful of hot chicks? Ho, ho, hell, indeed! A sidenote: Black Christmas did manage to scare up (there again, pardon the pun!) some controversy when it was released on Christmas day back in 2006 and some "religious" groups, one of them calling itself--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--Operation Just Say Merry Christmas, groused how such a brutal film could dare be released on such a "sacred" holiday. Apparently these "religious" yahoos have never heard of Saturnalia and/or Krampus, have they? (Google it, OK?)



WRECK-IT RALPH

 

 

Wreck-It Ralph is a computer-animated Disney flick that features the voices of John C. Reilly, Jane Lynch and Sarah Silverman (yes, THAT Sarah Silverman!). The flick is about a video game "bad guy" named Wreck-It Ralph--voiced by John C. Reilly--who wants desperately to be a "good guy" and goes about becoming said good guy. He seeks to find a hero's medal so that people can respect him more and finds out he can get one in a first-person shooter game called Hero's Duty. So Ralph sneaks into the game and swipes the medal. Afterwards, he gets attacked by one of the "bugs" that are the targets of the shooters in the game while fleeing in an escape pod. The pod crashes in another game called Sugar Rush and ends up losing his medal. When he finds the medal hanging from a tree, he climbs up the tree and meets a game character named Vanellope--voiced by Sarah Silverman--who's considered an outcast in the game due to her "glitchy" nature. Anyway, Vanellope ends up stealing Ralph's medal so she can use it to enter the next game race in an attempt to make others within the game to stop treating her like such an outcast. Finally, Ralph makes a deal with her that he will help her win the race so he can retrieve his medal after she wins. Their efforts are hampered by Sugar Rush's leader the aptly-named King Candy who--spoiler alert!--turns out to be another video game character named Turbo who had earlier sabotaged another game out of jealousy and caused both games to be shut down as a result. King Candy/Turbo tinkers with Sugar Rush so he can rule it even though--second spoiler alert!--Vanellope is the actual "queen" of the game. While all this is going on, the actual "hero" of Ralph's game named Fix-It Felix searches for Ralph with the leader of the Hero's Duty game--voiced by Jane Lynch (of Glee fame)--who's afraid the "bug" who attacked Ralph in the escape pod will multiply and cause havoc within the game system and whom Felix winds up having the hots for. While I won't say precisely how the movie ends up, of course, the film does have a "happy" ending--with a sort of twist--and, as with other Disney flicks, does have a kind of "moral" message. Though I'm not usually the biggest fan of Disney flicks overall, animated or otherwise, I did actually enjoy Wreck-It Ralph. I do feel the film would appeal to not only kids but to adults as well, especially adults who remember going to arcades to play coin-operated video games when they were kids back during the time when one had to actually step out of their house if they wanted to play a video game. (Yes, I'm THAT old!) A sidenote: I was actually kind of surprised Sarah Silverman was hired to do a voice in this film given her R and/or X-rated comedy performances. But, then again, I guess it's no more surprising than noted "shock jock" Howard Stern being hired to host the "family-oriented" show America's Got Talent. My, how times have changed, indeed! 



ROAD HOUSE



Road House is a "classic" action flick starring the late Patrick Swayze. In the flick, Swayze plays a bouncer named Dalton with a degree in philosophy--stay with me here!--who gets "hired" to be the head "cooler" at a club called the Double Deuce in a small town in Missouri. Along the way, Dalton locks heads with the town head honcho Brad Wesley--again, stay with me!--which culminates in a rather violent confrontation both with Wesley and Brad's lead henchman whom Dalton kills by ripping out his throat with his bare hand. Nice! Road House also stars raspy-voiced Sam Elliot who plays Dalton's older--and supposedly wiser--mentor who's himself a "cooler" who visits Dalton and winds up--spoiler alert!--getting knifed in the chest by Wesley's henchmen and hot-as-hell Kelly Lynch as Dalton's doctor love-interest (and, yes, fellas, Kelly has a nudie scene in the flick!). As one would probably expect, the rest of the cast of the film consists of a rather colorful assortment of, shall we say, characters. Actually, Road House isn't too bad of a flick as far as action flicks go and is, I think, a prime example of a good "bad" film. Road House is the type of flick where you need to suspend disbelief and turn off your brain for a couple of hours to really enjoy it. Of course, I think the same could be said of Patrick's earlier "classic" film Dirty Dancing, which, along with Ghost, is one of Swayze's best-known flicks (which contains perhaps one of the cheesiest lines in movie history of which Swayze himself stated made him cringe: "Nobody puts Baby in the corner!"). Road House is probably his most "famous" flick among the fellas mainly because it has PLENTY of action and has LITTLE dancing (sorry, ladies!) and has gone on to enjoy a "cult" following. The movie has even been "referenced" on other shows like Family Guy and there was even a straight-to-video sequel that was released years later of which didn't feature Patrick Swayze. Oh yeah, Road House was also directed by a director named--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--Rowdy Herrington. Kind of explains a lot, doesn't it? Best line in the flick: "Be nice until it's time to not be nice." Second best line in the flick: "A polar bear fell on me." A sidenote: One of the co-stars of the film is a musician named Jeff Healey who was blind and was most noted for playing the guitar on his lap (see YouTube clip below). In the flick, The Jeff Healey Band is the house band for the Double Deuce who provides much of the music for the film's soundtrack. (Patrick also performed a song or two for the film's soundtrack as he did for Dirty Dancing.) Jeff died about a year before Patrick Swayze did. Both are sorely missed!



RANGO

 

 

Rango is a pretty entertaining computer-animated flick that would appeal to both children and adults. Rango is about a wayward rather bumbling lizard named--you guessed it!--Rango who stumbles into the small western town populated by assorted critters appropriately-named Dirt that’s in dire need of not only water but a new sheriff after the last sheriff met a rather untimely end. Rango manages to con his way into the job after telling the townsfolk the tall tale of how he defeated a gang of outlaws with only one bullet. The town is run by a conniving turtle mayor who’s controlling the town’s water supply unbeknownst to the town’s populace for his own nefarious scheme which Rango stumbles upon of him secretly building a more “modern“ town. The movie pays homage to a number of other movies which adult viewers might recognize, including a number of “spaghetti” westerns such as A Fistful Of Dollars starring Clint Eastwood whose Man With No Name character even makes a cameo in the film (though not voiced by Clint). The movie also contains a number of action scenes, including the “climax” of the film when Rango confronts the head bad guy named Rattlesnake Jake whom the scheming turtle mayor “hires” who runs Rango out of town after publicly humiliating him in front of the town’s populace by making him admit that his story about taking on the outlaw gang with one bullet was untrue. Rango is voiced by Johnny Depp which, of course, may explain why the character Rango sounds like a cross between Jack Sparrow and Hunter S. Thompson--whose likeness also makes a cameo in the film--which are, of course, characters that Johnny Depp has played. Like I said, I think Rango is a film that would be entertaining to kids and grown-ups alike (though I will say that the film‘s move violent scenes, especially the ones with the character Rattlesnake Jake, might be too intense for really younger viewers). Rango also gained the distinction of being the first Nickelodeon movie to win the Academy Award for Best Animated Film. The Man With No Name would be so proud!

 





NEIL YOUNG JOURNEYS

 

 

Neil Young Journeys is primarily a concert film starring legendary rocker Neil Young with a few scenes of him talking about his childhood while driving through his childhood home in a small town in Canada. The concert just shows Neil onstage while playing his guitar and keyboards. Most of the songs are newer songs with a few "classics" thrown in such as Hey Hey My My, Down By The River and Ohio. While performing his hit song Ohio, which was Neil's rather angry response to the senseless shootings by the Ohio National Guardsman of four college students at Kent State University while students were protesting the Vietnam War, footage of the shootings as well as pictures of the four slain college students was shown while he was playing the song. Also, while he was singing a song called Hitchhiker, there was a POV cam put underneath Neil's microphone and, well, let's just say the footage gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "spitting distance," all right? In any case, diehard fans will undoubtedly enjoy this film. As for others, well, let's just say this film would NOT be for fans of Justin Beiber, if you know what I mean! A sidenote: It should probably probably go without saying that all the guardsman who killed those four students were never held legally accountable for the senseless shootings as they were acquitted of any & all wrongdoing save for a court case brought on by the families of the victims that was settled out-of-court with the stipulation that said family members make a public statement that basically absolved the guardsman of the shootings. That's Nixonian "justice" for ya! NOTE: Here's a clip from YouTube of Neil Young's "Ohio" performance from Journeys:

CHOPPER

 

 

Chopper is a 2000 Australian-made film (supposedly) about the life and criminal "career" of an Australian man named Mark "Chopper" Read and loosely based on his "autobiographical" books which became best-sellers in Australia. The film starts by letting you know upfront how this is NOT a "biographical" film since they apparently took a lot of "liberties" with this guy's (supposed) life story. In other words, this flick is probably about as made-up as Read's books probably were. I believe I've posted before how it takes a lot for me to really dislike or even hate a film. Well, to be brutally honest, the only thing that I found even remotely "likable" about this film is the acting of Eric Bana who plays "Chopper" in the film. Other than that, this film is basically an hour-and-a-half of a brutish A-Hole brutalizing those around them. I mean, if he's not stabbing and/or shooting someone for really no good reason, he's brutalizing those around him, including his girlfriend and even his girlfriend's mother whom he head-butts when she dares try to stop him from "attacking" her daughter and then "blames" her for "making" him act so brutally towards her and her mom. Nice! My guess is, the real-life "Chopper" was a low-level "criminal" at best and, realizing what a useless S.O.B. he truly is (or was since he died back in October of this year), he wrote his "autobiographical" books to build himself up and make himself and/or his apparently worthless life--he was, not surprisingly, in and out of prison for a good chunk of his life--look tons better than it actually was (if you call "admitting" to about 20 murders and/or the attempted murders of about a dozen more people "important," that is). And the scandal-hungry media, not surprisingly, ate his whole "act" up (the Australian version of 60 Minutes actually interviewed this worthless D-Bag just before his death where he claimed he actually "killed" about only four people and not the 20 or so he initially claimed). In short, Chopper amounted to about 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back and, quite frankly, I could've done without watching this film and/or "learning" about the, uh-hum, life of Mark "Chopper" Read. If any of my fellow movie-watchers wish to waste THEIR time watching a film about a guy who spends his time acting like a brutal bastard, have at it! (This film, by the way, has actually become a sort of "cult classic" and won a slew of awards from the Australian Film Institute mainly for Eric Bana's acting, which, like I said, is about the only redeeming thing about this particular flick.) About the only "noble" thing this guy had seemingly done in his whole entire useless life is that he reportedly refused a liver transplant as he reportedly said to give said liver transplant to someone more "deserving" than him (but then, this was probably just another "fabrication" on his part to make himself look more "noble" than he actually was, you know?). A sidenote: Another prime example of Hollywood going ga-ga over useless bastards would be the film American Gangster. (In case you're wondering, the reason why I'm not reviewing this film separately is because I haven't watched it and don't plan on watching it, to be honest.) The film stars Denzel Washington as a Harlem "gangster" named Frank Lucas who was, if you "believe" the film, a high-level drug kingpin in Harlem during the seventies. Even Denzel Washington himself hyped this guy in interviews while promoting the film how big of a drug dealer he was. In reality, Lucas was a low-level drug dealer at best as Frank himself dismissed the film about his own life as being pretty much un-factual. Even some of the investigators who investigated Lucas and his drug-dealing associates wound up suing the producers of the film claiming they had been "slandered" by their less-than-factual portrayal in the film (the lawsuit was, of course, thrown out). Again, why Hollyweird chooses to focus their "attention" on these worthless A-Holes/D-Bags like "Chopper" Read and Frank Lucas is beyond me. On second thought, I know why they do it: MONEY!!!!  



DRIVE ANGRY

 

 

Drive Angry is a rather weird-ass film in a rather long line of weird-ass films that actor Nic Cage has done in recent years (Bad Lieutenant, anyone?). In Drive Angry, Nic plays a deceased criminal who escapes out of Hell to rescue his infant granddaughter from being sacrificed by a--you guessed it!--Satanic cult led by a Jim Jones-type who's hell-bent (pardon the pun!) on destroying humanity or some such thing. Along the way, Nic's character is joined by a hot-as-hell waitress played by hot-as-hell actress Amber Heard who spends the film wearing these shorty-shorts and/or some other type of tight apparel. Anyway, Nic & Amber's characters spend their time dodging not only the cops but this Satanic assassin-type guy called The Accountant who poses as an FBI agent who seeks to return Nic's character to Hell where he clearly belongs. Anyway, Drive Angry is an appropriate title for this film as at least three-fourths of the film consists of car chases (when, of course, Nic's character isn't blowing people away!). It should come as no surprise that this film, along with pretty much every other Nic Cage film of recent years, took a drubbing not only from critics but at the all-important box office. Granted, this film--as, again, with other recent Nic Cage flicks--isn't for everyone as it's more likely to appeal to fans of those Grindhouse-style "uber" violent flicks from the seventies of which this film is clearly mirrored after. It's actually kind of similar to Nic's comic book flick the previously-reviewed Ghost Rider, although, at least in my oh-so-humble opinion, Drive Angry is more bad ass than that flick (especially its sequel Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance!). And, yes, in spite of what a good number of the "critics" said about Drive Angry, I did rather enjoy this film, although I think it would've been more interesting if it showed Nic's character actually breaking out of Hell (but then, I'm rather weird-ass that way!). A sidenote: I'll give Nic Cage credit in one area: From all the drubbing he's taken in recent years not only for his choice of movie roles but his rather weird-ass off-screen antics (Google it if you dare!), he's apparently not afraid to take on movie roles that other actors of his (former?) caliber--remember, he HAS won an Oscar--would probably not take (but then, he probably does it for an apparently much-needed paycheck given his reported financial woes, but I digress!).



REAL STEEL

 

 

Real Steel is basically a flick about a bunch of robots beating the crap out of each other with a rather schmaltzy father-son story thrown in. Actually, Real Steel is a pretty entertaining little flick in spite of it being a not-so-subtle rip-off of other films--think Rocky with robots!--and you can see the ending coming a mile away. The film stars Hugh Jackman (of X-Men and Wolverine fame) who plays a rather sleazy former human boxer in the future who's barely eking out a living fighting robots which has completely replaced human boxing. Hugh's character gets informed that an ex-girlfriend of his has died thus leaving him the 11-year-old son he abandoned upon learning that his girlfriend was pregnant. Hugh's character agrees to take the boy temporarily in exchange for several thousand dollars. Along the way, Hugh's character begins bonding with his estranged son and . . . well, you already know where this is going, don't you? Anyway, along the way father & son pick up a discarded robot out of a robotic trash heap after the robot Hugh's character spends all the money he got for "watching" his own son gets thoroughly trashed in a robot boxing match. Over his father's initial objections, the son enters the robot--whom he names Atom--in an "underground" robot boxing match and--surprise!--Atom the Robot wins. Against all odds, Atom the Robot keeps winning robot boxing matches and ends up catching the eye of the robotic boxing big leagues. After winning a big match against the reigning robot boxing champion, Atom the Robot gets a shot at boxing Zeus, a robot boxer behemoth who's never lost a match. Again, you know where this is going, don't you? Like I said, Real Steel is an entertaining enough flick in spite of its, shall we say, familiar plot, and even I must admit I found myself rooting for Atom the Robot during his climatic match with Zeus (even though, there again, I knew how it was all going to turn out at the end). This flick would especially appeal to those who do in fact enjoy watching robots beating the crap out of each other (if they can overlook all the father-son schmaltz, that is!).



COP OUT

 

 

Cop Out is a "cop buddy" movie directed by "independent" film director Kevin Smith (of Clerks and Chasing Amy fame) starring action flick stalwart Bruce Willis (of Die Hard fame) and Saturday Night Live alumnus Tracy Morgan. In the movie, Willis and Morgan play a couple of rather bumbling police officers who end up going after a gangster for stealing Bruce's character's rare baseball card that he wants to use to pay for his daughter's wedding. (Yes, ladies & gents, this is the "plot" of this particular flick!) This flick uses just about every "cop buddy" flick cliche imaginable as Willis is seemingly doing a parody of his celebrated John McClane Die Hard character and Morgan does his Saturday Night Live schtick he's been doing for years. This flick seemingly tries to have it both ways as it's both a "comedy" and an action flick. The action scenes are actually pretty good, in my oh-so-humble opinion, but the comedy aspect of it--again, in my oh-so-humble opinion--tends to fall rather flat. Critics of Kevin Smith's films have charged that his flicks can either be hit-or-miss, and, like a number of critics of this film have surmised, I'm sorely tempted to put it in the "miss" category. Personally, I think Smith did it primarily to make money (which it actually was a "minor" hit at the box office and was reportedly Smith's highest-grossing flick to date). Diehard (pardon the pun!) fans of Bruce Willis and/or Tracy Morgan might really enjoy this flick, though. Like they say, there's no accounting for taste! (That was me trying to be "comedic," by the way!) A sidenote: Kevin Smith has stated in various interviews, including one he did for Playboy (where he once photographed his naked wife being groped by Superman, by the way!), how he nearly came to blows with Bruce Willis on the set of Cop Out, which is really not so surprising considering Bruce's D-Bag reputation on the sets of his films. The original title, interestingly enough, was A Couple Of Dicks. Ironically, if they had kept THAT title, it would have been the funniest part of the whole damn movie!

SILENT NIGHT

 

 

Silent Night is a remake of the “classic” eighties horror “slasher” flick Silent Night Deadly Night. The flick is about a killer Santa Claus--or rather a serial killer dressed up in a Santa suit and a mask--who goes on a killing spree in a small town where he kills those whom he deems as naughty and NOT nice. The film stars Malcolm McDowell (of A Clockwork Orange and Halloween fame) who hams it up as the rather egotistical town sheriff--and who looks like a deranged Santa himself in the film!--and actress hottie Jaime King as his deputy. The film itself is pretty standard horror “slasher” fare with some dark humor thrown in. Perhaps the most disturbing scene in the film is when “Santa the Slasher”--by the way, he’s NOT called that in the film--shows up at a young girl’s front door--a foul-mouthed ungrateful young girl who keeps giving her mother a hard time (naughty, get it?)--and zaps her bratty ass with a taser, causing her to foam at the mouth, before skewering her. My own personal favorite scene is when a tattooed model--played by Cortney Palm (no pun intended!)--runs around TOPLESS for about five-ten minutes of the film. It’s my favorite scene of the film, that is, until “Santa the Slasher”--seriously, why WASN’T he called that in the film?--chases her down at a Christmas tree lot where he slashes her leg off with an ax before throwing her TOPLESS body into a wood chipper. (Sexy!) Like I said, Silent Night is pretty standard horror “slasher” fare. It certainly WON’T disappoint fans of the horror “slasher” genre. I would say it’s even a step above some of the other rather cheesy horror “slasher” flicks I’ve seen. It even shows you the killer’s “origins” at the end of the film where, as a young boy, he watches his father burn down his cheating mother in front of a church with a flamethrower--which the killer also uses in the film (and what deputy Jaime uses to set him on fire towards the end of the film)--while dressed up in a--you guessed it!--Santa outfit who gets gunned down by Jaime King’s cop father who gets offed in the film by said Santa killer. (Is it too late to say spoiler alert?) Is Silent Night “better” than the original? Like they say on Fox (Non) News (but, of course, DON‘T mean!): You decide! Best line in the film (from one of Santa‘s sexy victims before she gives, shall we say, oral pleasure to another guy in a Santa suit): “It looks like Santa is gonna come early this year!” Second best line (from the aforesaid young girl before she gets tased by Santa): “I didn’t ask for that!” A sidenote: The original flick Silent Night became one of the most controversial films released during the eighties after parent groups objected to the ad campaigns for the flick depicting Santa Claus as a serial killer. Said angry parent groups actually managed to get the flick pulled from theaters after it had been out in theaters for just a couple of weeks (after, by the way, it had beat out Wes Craven’s “classic” horror flick A Nightmare On Elm Street for the top horror spot the week it was released). Even this blog’s namesake the late Roger Ebert thoroughly trashed this film and even read the film’s production credits on the movie review show he co-hosted with the late Gene Siskel--who said the money made from the film amounted to “blood money”--and said “shame, shame, shame” after each one. However, Roger Ebert would later describe the “classic” horror film The Silence Of The Lambs as a “horror masterpiece” even though it’s about a--that’s right!--serial killer who skins women and wears their skin. Go figure!

 





JOHN CARPENTER'S THE FOG

 

 

The Fog is a 1980 horror flick directed by cult filmmaker John Carpenter. The film stars Hal Holbrook and eighties hotties Adrienne Barbeau, who was married to Carpenter at the time, and Jamie Lee Curtis (who had starred in Carpenter’s previous horror film Halloween, which is arguably his most popular film to date). The film is about a small coastal town terrorized by a mysterious fog that rolls into town one night and starts picking off the residents. Actually, John Carpenter once reportedly described this as his least favorite film, and, quite frankly, it’s not hard to see why. First off, this flick is really not all that “horrific” at least compared to the “slasher” flicks that came after it (which, ironically, Carpenter is accredited to starting with his Halloween flick) and/or the far more brutal horror flicks of recent years like the Hostel and Saw flicks. The special effects are rather cheesy even for 1980 (this was, of course, years before the advent of CGI). To be brutally honest, while I’m normally a fan of John Carpenter’s movies (or at least a good number of them anyway), I thought this was one of the most boring horror flicks I’ve ever seen. And, to tell the truth, I kind of cringed when Adrienne Barbeau--who plays a local husky-voiced DJ in the film--makes her little speech at the end when she warns others to “watch out for the fog” and whatnot. Probably the scariest part of the entire flick, at least for me, was at the very end when Hal Holbrook’s character--spoiler alert!--gets sliced in half by the head evil spirit or whatever the hell he was (and, there again, that was one of the cheesiest-looking “evil spirits” I’ve EVER seen in a horror flick). John Carpenter's The Fog might appeal more to those who would like to watch a more "traditional" horror story than the more graphic "slasher" flicks and/or more modern horror flicks like the aforementioned Hostel and Saw flicks and wouldn't mind the "dated" look of this film. However, fans of those more graphic horror flicks might find this one a bit too boring as I did. (No offense, John!) A sidenote: Earlier on this blog, I reviewed the 2005 remake of The Fog. Admittedly, I gave the remake a somewhat better review than I’ve given the original here, although I know a good number of “horror purists” would strongly disagree with me on this. But at least in the remake the special effects are a bit better--thanks, of course, to CGI!--and we get to see why the “evil spirits” within the fog have it in for the townspeople instead of just merely being told why (like, for instance, in the original at the beginning when that rather creepy old dude is telling that ghost story to those kids). Besides, this is MY movie review blog, so there!

 





A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: FREDDY VS. FREDDY

 

 

A Nightmare On Elm Street is the brainchild of horror filmmaking legend Wes Craven who directed the 1984 first film. The film, of course, is about a disfigured supernatural-esque killer named Freddy Krueger--played by, of course, Robert Englund--who was burned alive after being accused of killing several children and being released on a technicality. Years later he attacks the teenaged children of those that burned him in their dreams. Wearing his trademarked fedora hat and red-and-green striped sweater, Freddy’s weapon-of-choice is a “special” glove with knives embedded in its fingers. After that film became a huge success at the all-important box office, there were over half-a-dozen equally-successful sequels which culminated in the film Freddy vs. Jason that pits Freddy against Jason Vorhees who was, of course, the killer in the Friday The 13^th horror film franchise. In 2010, Michael Bay (of Transformers fame) produced a remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street with Jackie Earle Haley (of the original Bad News Bears fame) in the role of Freddy. There are, as one might imagine, changes between the old Freddy and the new Freddy. Whereas the original Freddy was a child killer, the new Freddy is a child molester who gets burned alive by the parents of the children he molested. (Wes Craven reportedly initially wanted to make Freddy into a child molester, but he had a change of heart I guess because he might’ve thought that would’ve made Freddy appear less, for lack of a better word, likeable.) And, unlike the old Freddy, the children the new Freddy attacks in their dreams are the children he molested when they were younger. And, while the older Freddy’s face looked more cartoony, the new Freddy was made to look more like an actual burn victim. And perhaps the biggest change of all was that the new Freddy wasn’t as, shall we say, humorous as the old Freddy. That’s actually what separated Freddy Krueger from the other “slasher” flick killers such as the aforementioned Jason Vorhees and Halloween’s Michael Myers who were pretty much bulked-up hooded silent killers. And that’s why I--and undoubtedly many other diehard horror flick fans--will always regard Robert Englund as THE Freddy Krueger (although Jackie Earle Haley’s take on the character is pretty interesting). A sidenote: Interestingly enough, this isn’t the first time Jackie Earl Haley portrayed a child molester on-film. Before A Nightmare On Elm Street, he won accolades for playing one in the film Little Children (where Kate Winslet appeared starkers on-film for the umpteenth time!). I wonder, is he being typecast? Just asking! Also, Wes Craven reportedly expressed "reservations" about doing a remake of one of his most iconic movies while Robert Englund was reportedly all for them doing a remake. Make of THAT what you will!

 





STEPHEN KING'S GRAVEYARD SHIFT

 

Graveyard Shift is a 1990 horror flick based on one of Stephen King’s short stories of the same name. The plot is pretty simple enough (as is, of course, usually the case with horror flicks): workers get killed off by a huge bat-like creature at a rat-infested textile mill during the--that’s right!--graveyard shift. Frankly, there have only been a few movies based on Stephen King novels/stories that have been on par with the novels--Carrie, The Shining and Pet Cemetery come to mind--and Graveyard Shift doesn’t even come close to matching the quality of those films. In fact, this flick employs just about every horror flick cliché imaginable. For instance, when the main character first comes into town in search of employment and he enters a diner, he gets--surprise!--accosted by a group of dimwitted hooligans. And, from there, the clichés just keep coming (e.g. people keep disappearing mysteriously, the lone black guy in the film dies horribly, etc.)! However, that isn’t to say that aren’t some truly horrifying aspects to this film. For instance, Brad Dourif--who, as horror aficionados no doubt know, provided the voice of Chucky in the Child’s Play movies (as well as starring in the critically-acclaimed cinematic adaptations of the Lord Of The Rings novel trilogy)--plays a really creepy exterminator who starts the movie off by dumping rat feces into the local water supply. Nice! Anyway, there’s one scene in the flick when Brad is having a rather creepy conversation with the main character while he’s working the--of course!--graveyard shift and he tells how in Vietnam the Vietnam Cong would strap American POWs on the ground via stakes, cut a wound up above the prisoner’s abdomen and stick a rice ball into the open wound and let the rats feed. Yum! This was actually one of the creepiest scenes in the whole entire flick. As for the creature that’s doing the killing, it was actually pretty scary-looking. Keep in mind this was before the advent of CGI. Of course, even with CGI, sometimes the creatures in these flicks are a little less than horrifying. But, I must say, they actually did a pretty good job of making the bat-like creature--why they didn’t make it look more rat-looking is beyond me--look pretty damn realistic. I know if I ever came across that thing, I’d be getting the hell out of Dodge REAL damn quick! One thing that kind of bothered me is that the chick in the flick--who may or may not had been the main character’s love-interest in the film (the characters aren’t too fleshed-out in the film so it’s kind of hard to tell)--gets offed by the mill’s rather sadistic foreman who goes batcrap crazy (pardon the pun!) before being off himself by the creature. Another thing that got to me about this flick is that when people start being killed off by the creature no one really seems to notice or to care. And, when someone brings up the “disappearance” of a certain character, one of the other characters says something like, “Oh, they just left.” Overall, Graveyard Shift isn’t the worst horror flick ever produced (reread my earlier reviews of The Bleeding--which was hilariously bad!--and the blatant Friday the 13^th rip-offs the Bloody Murder films). Still, I was kind of surprised Stephen King allowed his name to be associated with this thing, which, of course, the producers of this flick probably did just to gain more attention to said flick, which, judging from the film’s rather lukewarm reception (it was a modest box office hit at best), that strategy apparently didn’t work none too well. In any case, as is usually the case with movies based on books and/or stories, do yourself a favor and read the original story published in King’s short story anthology Night Shift (which is one of my favorite Stephen King books of all-time). Of course, this film might be more "horrific" for those who are afraid of rats, especially since it looks like they used real live rats in this flick (whereas, again, nowadays they'd probably just CGI the whole thing). Just a suggestion!

GREEN LANTERN

 

 

Green Lantern is among a long list of movies based on comic books released in recent years. A lot of critics panned this film, although I can’t really see why. To me, it’s no better or worse than any other comic book flick I’ve seen. I mean, it’s pretty faithful to the comic book it’s based on unlike some other comic book-based flicks I’ve seen (cough . . . Iron Man!). For those who’ve never seen the flick or read the comic book, the plot pretty much goes like this: A hotshot pilot named Hal Jordan---played by Ryan Reynolds--comes across a crash-landed alien who hands him a ring with special powers before he dies of his injuries. It turns out the alien was a member of an intergalactic police corps of sorts called the Green Lanterns run by these rather strange beings who call themselves The Guardians. Hal at first is reluctant to join said intergalactic police corps believing he’s not worthy. However, Hal has a change of heart when Earth gets threatened by some powerful evil being (of course!) named Parallax--who was previously imprisoned by the very same Green Lantern who gave him the ring--threatens to destroy the Earth along with the rest of the universe. But first Hal has to fight a mad scientist-type named Professor Hammond who gets “infected” by Parallax and gets an overgrown head and the power of telekinesis that he uses for ill (of course!) and kidnaps Hal’s love-interest Carol--played by Blake Lively (who, I must say, looked pretty lovely in this flick!)--whom Hal rescues right before Parallax reaches Earth and . . . well, you probably already know the outcome, don’t you? Green Lantern, at least in my humble view, was actually a pretty decent superhero movie in spite of what many of the critics said about this film. True, the plot was somewhat hokey at times, but, then again, this IS a movie based on a comic book, so what in the hell do the critics expect? I also liked the CGI, which the critics also, er, criticized, including the Green Lantern costumes, which I thought were pretty cool-looking myself. All in all, I actually liked Green Lantern. One minor complaint I did have about the flick was that they didn’t feature the other Green Lanterns more. But maybe they’ll change that in the sequels of which they are planning on making even though Green Lantern didn’t “perform” as well at the box office as the studio had reportedly hoped (even though it purportedly made about $200 million overall at the all-important box office even though it purportedly cost about HALF that to make; go figure!).

 





THE TRANSPORTER 2

 

The Transporter 2 is, of course, the sequel to the earlier-reviewed The Transporter. It again stars action movie hero Jason Statham as a "transporter" named Frank. This time he's a chauffeur for a U.S. diplomat's family whose main job is driving their young son around. Of course, the young son gets kidnapped under Frank's watch and it's--of course!--up to Frank to get him back. There's a bit more to the "plot" than that, but, let's face it, the main reason to watch these flicks is to watch Jason Statham kick ass & take names (and, as in the first flick, does plenty of THAT!)! The bad guys in this flick seem to be a bit more, shall we say, cartoonish than in the first Transporter--like, for instance, there's a sexy female assassin who kills people while sporting sexy skimpy lingerie (which is, of course, one of my most favorite parts about the flick!)--and then there's, of course, the kid. Quite frankly, I don't think putting little kids in action flicks is a very good idea. I mean, does anyone recall the Arnold Schwarzenegger box office fiasco that was Last Action Hero? (I would've said Kindergarten Cop myself, but, for some reason, there's a lot of people who seemingly enjoy that damn movie!) In any case, do I feel Transporter 2 is "better" than the first one? Well, let's just say they both have their good points and leave it at that, okay? A sidenote: The director of this flick actually stated that the character Frank was gay (even though he had a sex scene with his female co-star in the first one). However, he later backtracked I guess because nobody is ready to have a full-on "gay" action hero. What does anyone else think?



16 BLOCKS

 

 

 

16 Blocks stars Bruce Willis and rapper/actor Mos Def. In the film, Willis plays a burned-out alcoholic detective named Jack Mosley who is recruited to escort a newly-freed prisoner named Eddie Bunker--played by Def--who is scheduled to testify at a police corruption hearing. Of course, the corrupt cops whom Eddie is supposed to be testifying against aren't too happy about this so they try to have him killed. At first, they try to persuade Jack to look the other way while they off him, but he has an abrupt change-of-heart and decides to protect Eddie at all costs even though it turns out he's just as "corrupt" as they are. In the end, after being forced to hijack a bus, Mosley decides to let Bunker go and testify in his place instead since, as he sees it, he's just as "guilty" as the rest of them. I think I should point out that, though Willis plays a cop in this flick, don't expect a Die Hard-style action flick as this film is more dramatic than those in the Die Hard film franchise. And the Jack Mosley character is arguably truer-to-life than the John McClane character. So, in other words, there's no "Yippee-ki-yay, M.F.-er!" in this particular flick. With that being said, there's still quite a bit of action in this flick enough to probably satisfy even the most, er, die hard Die Hard fan. And this flick gives Bruce Willis a chance to stretch his acting chops a bit. One drawback to this film is that Mos Def's character probably has the most irritating movie voice in cinematic history!



WAR

 

 

War is an action film starring Jason Statham and Jet Li. This flick was released a few years before their pairing in the Sylvester Stallone vehicle The Expendables. In this film, Jason plays a CIA agent on the trail of a hitman who goes by the name of Rogue whom he believes is responsible for the brutal death of his partner and his wife and young daughter. He finally catches up to Rogue when he's working for the boss of the Chinese Triad who's feuding with the Japanese Yakuza (which is the Japanese version of the American mafia). The film is reminiscent of the Clint Eastwood "spaghetti western" classic A Fistful Of Dollars as Rouge begins playing the two gangs against each other as he starts slaying members from each gang. Jason's character is investigating the slayings and believes it's the work of the assassin Rogue. Of course, Rogue eventually reveals his true intentions when he has a sword fight with the leader of the Japanese Yakuza who was the one who ordered the hit on the other CIA agent and his family. There's also a sort of plot twist towards the end of the film when it's revealed that neither Rogue nor Statham's CIA agent is who they were initially portrayed out to be. (I, of course, won't reveal said "twist" so as not to ruin it for anyone.) Of course, Jason & Jet have a climatic fight towards the last of the film when their true identities are brought out in the open. War is not what you'd call your typical cookie-cutter action flick, and Jet Li is actually pretty good at playing the bad guy (although, as I implied earlier, he's not what you'd call a total villain). There are certainly enough fight scenes and gun battles to satisfy the most ardent lover of action flicks, and the plot will keep you guessing until the end when everything is revealed. If you're looking for an action flick that doesn't follow the standard action flick formula (although moviegoers have seen the seeking-revenge-for-a-fallen-comrade plotline PLENTY of times before), then War could very well be that flick.



TED

 

 

Ted marks the directorial debut of Seth MacFarlane who's the weirdo, uh, I mean, the guy who brought us Family Guy (yes, THAT Family Guy!). As one might expect, this is most definitely NOT a children's flick in spite of the cute little teddy bear taking a leak in the movie poster. Anyway, the flick starts off--dare I say it!--innocently enough as a young boy wishes that his stuffed teddy bear can become real. Well, the little boy gets his "wish" and THEN some as Ted the Teddy Bear--voiced by Seth MacFarlane himself (which, of course, could explain why Ted sounds suspiciously like Peter Griffin)--not only "magically" comes to life but grows up to be a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking horny little stuffed bear who, among other things, encourages prostitutes to take a deuce on the floor. Oh, did I mention this was NOT a kid's flick? Anyway, the little boy whose wish brought Ted to life grows up to become Mark "Don't Call Me Marky Mark!" Wahlberg who has a hot-as-hell live-in girlfriend played by Mila "That Hot Chick From That 70s Show" Kunis. Of course, Mila's character wants Mark's character to grow up and/or settle down and she blames Ted--who also lives with the cozy couple--for him not doing so. As a result, Ted is made to move out and get a job. He ends up getting a job as a cashier at a grocery store, much to Ted's chagrin, where, among other things, he ends up bumping teddy uglies with the hot-as-hell cashier in back of the store on top of the produce. Again, did I mention this WASN'T a kiddie flick? Actually, this film wasn't as raunchy as I thought it'd be. Of course, as I've just pointed out, this flick has MORE than its fair share of raunchy moments, but it does have its--again, dare I say it!--sentimental moments as well, especially towards the end when Ted gets kidnapped by some weirdo who wants a "magical" teddy bear of his own and for his equally-weirdo son and Mark's and Mila's characters come to Ted's rescue and Ted gets--spoiler alert!--ripped in half by said weirdo and winds up going to teddy bear heaven (or hell!). As a result, Mila's character "wishes" that Ted will come back to life and . . . well, I don't think I have to tell you what happens next, do I? As you can probably already tell, Ted is not only NOT a children's flick but is most definitely NOT for the easily-offended! So put the kids to bed BEFORE you watch this flick (or don't, I don't really care!)! Best line in the flick: "No, I don't sound like Peter Griffin!" Second best line in the flick: "Is that a shit?"



WHIP IT

 

 

Whip It marks the directorial debut of actress Drew Barrymore (of E.T. and Charlie's Angels fame) who also has a relatively smaller role in this film. This film stars Ellen Page (of Juno and Inception fame) who plays a rather rebellious teenager named Bliss who lives in a small Texas town who's pretty much forced into doing beauty pageants by her overbearing mother (played by Marcia Gay Harden) who's a former beauty pageant queen herself. However, she decides what she really wants to do is play women's roller derby after seeing her very first roller derby match. So she auditions to be a member of the roller derby group even though she's underage. So she lies about her age and ends up making the cut. Being involved in a roller derby group gives Bliss the courage to finally stand up to her overbearing mother once and for all and tells her what she truly wants to do, which is, of course, roller derby much to her mother's chagrin. Whip It at times plays a little like a Lifetime original movie, and Ellen Page basically plays a variation of the rebellious teenager she played in her highly-acclaimed film Juno which won her a slew of accolades and/or awards. Whip It I would say qualifies as a "chick flick" that would satisfy male viewers with the roller derby scenes (I mean, what guy doesn't like hot chicks riding around on skates beating the crap out of each other, am I right, fellas!). This film also stars Kristen Wiig (of Bridesmaids and Saturday Night Live fame) who plays the "leader" of the roller derby group Ellen Page's character is on and Juliette Lewis (of Natural Born Killers and Cape Fear fame) who does her typical crazy bad-ass chick shtick and plays the "leader" of the rival roller derby group who becomes Page's character's personal rival in the film (because, you know, it wouldn't be a true "chick flick" without two chicks going at it!). This film also doesn't have your typical "happy ending" like you see in so many other films (and, of course, you;ll just have to watch the film to see what I'm talking about, all right?). Overall, I'd say Whip It would make a decent choice for your next date night if you can't decide what film to watch. (You're welcome, guys!)



THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM

 

 

The Forbidden Kingdom is a martial arts "fantasy" film starring Jet Li and Jackie Chan who pair up for the very first time in this flick. In the film, Jet & Jackie play dual roles (and is some of their best acting work, in my opinion). Anyway, the film is about a teen--I'm assuming he's a teen--who's obsessed with kung-fu flicks who gets transported back to ancient China thanks to an ancient "magical" stick given to him by an elderly pawn shop owner in Chinatown who tells him to take the "magical" stick back to its right owner. The pawn shop owner gets shot when his store is robbed by a gang of ruffians who chase the teen. He falls off the top of a building and the "magical" stick transports him back to ancient China. While running away from a group of armed soldiers who are trying to steal his "magical" stick to take back to the evil Jade Warlord--who wears entirely too much eye makeup, by the way--who's appointed himself king after defeating the Monkey King and turning his body into stone, he comes across a drunk martial arts master--played by Jackie--and then later a monk--played by Jet (who also plays the Monkey King)--who not only inform him of his "destiny" of setting the legendary Monkey King free with his "magical" stick so he can defeat the Jade Warlord but also train him to become a martial artist (which he seemingly becomes in record time, I might add). As you can probably tell, this film is more fantastical than some other martial arts films, but there's still plenty of martial arts action to satisfy the most diehard martial arts flicks fan. I, of course, won't spoil the ending for anyone, although this is one of these films you can probably pretty much get an idea of how it's going to end while you're watching it (although there is kind of a "twist" ending with one of Jackie Chan's characters towards the end that kind of ties the whole plot together). This flick is also more "family-friendly" than other martial arts flicks, but, there again, there's enough martial arts action that it won't really matter. Oh yeah, there's also an evil witch with a really bad wig. And, yes, there is a fight scene between Jet & Jackie in the film. Just thought you'd like to know!    

THE PRESTIGE

 

 

The Prestige stars Hugh Jackman (of Wolverine fame) and Christian Bale (of Batman fame) as two rival magicians in Victorian-era London who spend much of the film trying to one-up each other and even regularly sabotage each other's acts, which causes Bale's character to lose a couple of his fingers when Jackman's character deliberately sabotages his "bullet catch" act. I must admit, I wasn't really expecting much from this film and, for the first half of the film at least, I didn't get much. In fact, I was actually so bored with this film during its first-half I was about to turn it off. However, things started picking up, at least for me, during the second half of the flick when the two magician's rivalries become obsessive and rather sadistic. In the end, Hugh's character finds a rather unique way to set up Christian's character for his own murder and winds up taking his daughter as his ward. When Bale's character vows revenge on him, he just scoffs and walks off with his daughter in tow. Then Bale's character is hanged for his "murder" and Hugh's character believes that's the end of it. That's when the "twist" of the movie is revealed of which I won't spoil here, though I will say--again, at least for me--said "twist" was intriguing and unexpected, although to the late Roger Ebert--who is, of course, this blog's namesake--said "twist" ending was, as he described it, a "cheat" and a "fundamental flaw" of the film. I guess we can agree to disagree (sort of like with Ebert's former partner the late Gene Siskel)! One "fundamental flaw" I did find with this film is that Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale's characters are arguably two of the least likable characters in cinematic history as it's actually kind of hard--at least it was for me--to root for either of them they both act so despicably in the film. But the acting caliber of this film, aided by Michael Caine who plays a sort of mentor to both characters (and even Scarlett Johansson who adds the obligatory sex appeal/eye candy to the film), makes it easier to accept that they act so horrendously towards not only each other but to those around them; like, for instance, Bale's character actually helps drive his wife to suicide. I think this film would especially appeal to those interested in magic (which, to be honest, was one of the reasons why I initially wasn't expecting much from this film).



THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2

 

 

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 is, of course, the sequel to the first flick, which has since gone to become a cult classic. The sequel takes place over a dozen years after the first one which was released during the mid-seventies. A former Texas Ranger named Lefty--played by the late Dennis Hopper (of Easy Rider and Apocalypse Now fame)--is on a quest to find the cannibalistic family whom he believes killed his niece and nephew from the first film. He enlists the help of a local DJ named Stretch--played by horror actress Caroline Williams--who inadvertently records the killing of a couple of foul-mouthed teens driving down the freeway who call in the station one night and start harassing Stretch. However, during the course of their call, the teens have the misfortune of coming across Leatherface and his companion who are driving alongside them in a truck and Leatherface proceeds to slice off the head of the driver and causes the car to run off the road. Lefty persuades Stretch to play the tape on the air so people will start believing of the existence of the cannibalistic family who have been killing people for years, including his beloved niece and nephew. After the tape is played, Stretch receives a visit at the station from Leatherface and his "brother" Chop Top who has a metal plate in his head. Stretch is able to charm Leatherface to keep him from killing her and he and Chop Top wind up beating and abducting Stretch's boss who happens on the scene and they take him back to their lair while Stretch and Lefty follow suit. Stretch, after witnessing the brutal murder of her boss, gets captured and tortured by Leatherface and his cannibalistic clan until Lefty shows up with a couple of chainsaws of his own and has a chainsaw duel with the notorious Leatherface (of course, you'll have to watch the flick to find out if Lefty "wins" said chainsaw duel, all right?). I must say, the violence in this flick tends to be more comical than horrific, at least by today's seemingly more gorier standards, although this flick does manage at least a couple of truly creepy moments; like, for instance, when Leatherface thrusts the tip of his chainsaw against Stretch's crotch and thrusts it back and forth like a penis and when Leatherface puts Stretch's boss's face that he'd just sliced off onto her face and makes her wear it while he dances with her. Yuck! In any case, TTCM2 is pretty typical of the so-called slasher flicks released during the eighties, although this one was actually better than some of the other "slasher" flicks released during that period thanks primarily to Dennis Hopper's performance (although he probably took this role mostly for the paycheck!). Oh yeah, this flick was also directed by noted horror flick director Tobe Hooper who also directed the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Also, the theatrical poster of this film, as seen above, was reportedly suppose to resemble the movie poster from the classic film The Breakfast Club. Just thought you'd like to know! A sidenote: To this day, this flick is banned in Germany. Yes, Germany, the very country that brought the world gas chambers and shit vids. Go figure!



TROPIC THUNDER

 

Tropic Thunder is a comedy/action flick starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey, Jr. along with a whole slew of celebrity cameos. In the flick, Ben, Jack and Robert play a group of rather pretentious actors who are filming a big-budgeted action blockbuster called--you guessed it!--Tropic Thunder. During filming in what's supposed to be the jungles of Vietnam (since the faux Tropic Thunder is supposed to be based on a book written about the Vietnam War where the book's author--played in typical gruff-esque fashion by Nick Nolte--is supposed to have served), the actors run afoul of a heroin-producing drug cartel of sorts called Flaming Dragon which is led by a wisecracking kid and they have to actually fight their way out of the jungle and from the clutches of Flaming Dragon. Like I said, this film has a slew of cameos, including Matthew McConaughey as Stiller's character's agent in what is actually one of his better performances (and he actually wears--surprise of surprises!--a shirt in this picture!) and Tom Cruise who plays a rather sleazy bald-headed studio executive and offers up one of the most hilarious performances in the flick (and makes you almost--ALMOST--forget all of his batcrap crazy stuff with Scientology and his, uh-hum, marriage to Katie Holmes and jumping up & down on Oprah's couch declaring his, uh-hum, love for Katie and all that and actually reminds film-watchers that he's actually a pretty decent actor). Oh yeah, I think I should note for those who haven't seen the film yet that Robert Downey, Jr. plays a rather pretentious Australian actor who wears--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--BLACKFACE for his character in the film. (Make of THAT what you will!) As you've probably already guessed by now, Tropic Thunder is NOT for the easily-offended types. For everyone else, it's actually not only a fairly funny flick--the "trailers" at the beginning of the film are, in my opinion, the funniest parts of the film--but it's actually not a bad action flick. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that, if it was just a straight-up action flick, it would be on par with, say, The Expendables (and I'm sure there would be at least SOME action flick fans who would dispute me on THAT!). Best line in the film: "What do you mean you people?" "What do you mean you people?"

GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK

 

 

Good Night & Good Luck is a biopic about the legendary newsman the late Edward R. Murrow. The film focuses in on Murrow's by-now-infamous public battle with former senator the late Joseph McCarthy back during the time when McCarthy was going on his by-now-infamous "communist" witchhunts during the fifties, which, for those of you needing a history lesson, is where the phrase McCarthyism comes from. Anyway, as the film shows, Murrow helped take the dangerous and out-of-control senator down (and, as the film also shows, his battles with McCarthy also hurt Murrow's own career as he stepped on a few toes to take the senator down). Murrow was one of the few public figures--newsman or otherwise--who was brave enough to take on the dangerous senator who was literally destroying lives by forcefully targeting people whom he claimed were communists (sort of like how Fox News and right-wing talk radio "targets" people nowadays for being "radical" Muslims and liberals and whatnot). Anyway, the film was written & directed by George Clooney (yes, the former Batman himself!) who also stars in the film but not in the Edward R. Murrow role which is played by David Strathairn. Clooney instead plays Murrow's producer and collaborator the late Fred Friendly (yes, that was his actual name). The film, as you probably already figured out by now, is not your typical Hollywood CGI-laden superhero-esque blockbuster. In fact, it's safe to say the film is anything BUT. To top it all off, the movie is actually filmed in black & white. This was done by Clooney to match the actual televised footage of Joseph McCarthy featured in the film. Again, it's probably safe to assume that fans of your typical Hollywood CGI-laden superhero-esque blockbuster would probably find this particular film, well, boring. (Incidentally, this film also co-stars none other than Robert Downey, Jr. who, of course, has made his fame & fortune playing comic book superhero Iron Man in not only the Iron Man flicks but the mega-box office hit The Avengers.) However, if you're a fan of excellent acting--this movie was nominated for a slew of awards--and of how films used to be made and especially if you're interested in this era of our history and how it mirrors what occurs in this country today (as I am), then Good Night & Good Luck ought to be the right flick for you. A sidenote: This film was apparently a labor of love for Clooney whose father was himself a newsman for many years and who even ran for congress back in 2004, a year before this film came out. George even mortgaged his own home to finance the film after he was unable to get insured after suffering an injury on a previous film. Another thing I found rather interesting about this film is how test audiences reportedly complained about the over-the-top acting of the "actor" playing Joseph McCarthy apparently NOT realizing that they were watching the REAL Joseph McCarthy. Sort of tells you something, doesn't it? (For those of you who do in fact need and/or want a history lesson on McCarthyism, along with the flick I've also included a few books on the subject from Amazon in the links below, for those of you who are interested. You're welcome!)

FANBOYS

 

Fanboys tells the tale of a group of Star Wars-obsessed, er, fanboys who decide to take a road trip to fulfill a lifelong dream of breaking into George Lucas's Skywalker ranch so they can steal a copy of the first Star Wars prequel The Phantom Menace before it's released in theaters so they can be the very first ones to see it. The movie itself pretty much follows the standard formula as other raunchy road trip flicks such as, um, Road Trip (with MTV's supposed funnyman Tom Green) and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back (starring film director Kevin Smith who also has a cameo in the flick along with the guy who played Jay what's-his-face). What sets this "road trip" flick apart from those flick is, of course, the Star Wars angle. Of course, there's the obligatory scenes where the Star Wars guys fights Trekkies/Trekkers--that's Star Trek fans, for those of you who don't speak geek--and there's the obligatory cameos from Star Wars, uh, stars Billy Dee Williams (who, of course, played Lando Calrissian) and Carrie Fisher (who, of course, played Princess Leia). (What, no Mark Hamill?) However, the most interesting--and the most unexpected--cameo comes from none other than William Shatner (who--of course!--played Captain James T. Kirk in the original Star Trek) who hands the blueprints of the Skywalker Ranch over to a couple of the guys at a Star Trek convention. When one of the guys says to him, "Where did you get these?", he responds, "I'm William Shatner. I can get anything." When the other guy asks him, "What about Jeri Ryan's panties?', he again responds, "Anything." Overall, Fanboys is a fairly entertaining--although fairly raunchy!--"road trip" flick and will especially appeal to the geeky-at-heart. An added bonus is seeing actress Kristen Bell--who sports black hair instead of her usual blond--dressed in Princess Leia's by-now-infamous gold metal bikini from that by-now-infamous scene in Jabba The Hutt's lair from Return Of The Jedi (although you only get to see her for less than a minute, damn it!). May The Force be with you, indeed! (And, no, there's NOT a cameo from George Lucas in this film, although he reportedly gave it his blessing unlike--of course!--a number of film critics just like they did with The Phantom Menace itself. Oh well!) Best line in the movie: "How do you say 'I'll never get laid' in Klingon?" Second best line in the film: "Han Solo is a bitch!" A sidenote: William Shatner got into a little hot water with Trekkies/Trekkers some years back when he did his by-now-infamous skit on Saturday Night Live when he told a group of Trekkies/Trekkers--or, rather, SNL actors playing Trekkies/Trekkers--at a pseudo-Star Trek convention, "Get a life! It's just a TV show!" Actually, I found it pretty damn funny myself (but then, that's just me!)! As for what I personally think about the "debate" between Star Wars vs. Star Trek, which can sometimes get pretty heated, I am a fan of BOTH films and/or TV shows, though I will admit I slightly "favor" Star Wars over Star Trek since that's what I grew up with and didn't really get into Star Trek until later. I mean, at the end of the day, aren't both films and/or TV shows really about a bunch of guys--and gals--flying around in spaceships blowing stuff up? (And, like William Shatner, I know I'm going to catch some heat on THAT one!)