THE RING

The Ring stars ultra hot actress Naomi Watts, and that's about the ONLY thing I can recommend about this asinine flick. And this flick was an actual box office hit! The movie, for those of you who haven't had the, uh-hum, pleasure of seeing it, is about a reporter (played by Watts) who comes across this--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--haunted videotape that is supposed to--and, again, I'm NOT making this up!--kill whoever watches it within about a week after watching it. Even after people in her life whom she shows the tape to begin dying off mysteriously and horribly, Watts keeps showing people the damn tape! We actually get to see what's on the tape once or twice, and it looks like some artsy-fartsy short film you might see on the Sundance channel. And, what was even worse, just when you thought the film was finally--mercifully--over, it went on for about another thirty rather grueling minutes! I watched this film with a friend of mine and he was actually scared out of his wits while I was sitting there watching this drivel thinking how glad I was going to be when it was finally--mercifully!--over. The main problem I had with this film is its basic plot. I mean, if this tape was so evil and capable of actually offing people who see it, here's a rather simple solution: JUST RIP OUT THE DAMN TAPE!!!! Simple, ain't it? And, just for the sheer hell of it, here are some unusual "haunted" items that they can make a future horror flick out of: a haunted toilet, a haunted dildo, a haunted barf bag, or how about a haunted gay bar? I'm sure they would make a much more entertaining horror film than one about a friggin "haunted" videotape! Hell, about the scariest thing about this stupid flick was the creepy-looking grey girl who crawls out of the TV at one point. Wouldn't you agree? A sidenote: This movie was a remake of a Japanese horror film of the same name, which was reportedly one of the highest if not the highest-grossing film in Japanese cinematic history. I haven't yet watched the Japanese version of this asinine flick, but I sincerely hope that it's far more superior than the asinine U.S. remake! Oh yeah, you're probably wondering why I used the movie poster of the film's inexplicable sequel rather than the original film for this review. The answer is simple: IT'S BECAUSE THEY MADE A SEQUEL TO THIS DUMBASS FLICK!!!! Again, simple, ain't it?