AN ODE TO GWYNETH PALTROW

Let's face it: there's a lot of people in this country who thinks that actress/"singer" Gwyneth Paltrow, well, sucks. And they don't think she "sucks" because they think she's a bad actress--I mean, she did win an Oscar for Shakespeare In Love--but because of her other activities; like, for instance, her seemingly incessant need to tell others how to live either through her interviews or through her godawful Website appropriately-called Goop and her being one of these countless whiny narcisstic celebrities who whine about their celebrity and then turn around and talk about seemingly every single aspect of their personal life in practically every single interview she gives. It's shit like this which is undoubtedly why many moviegoers cheered at her rather cheesy-ass death scene in the film Contagion. However, in spite of all this, I decided to write an "ode" to Miss Paltrow because she's apparently NOT shy about showing us, shall we say, the goodies in many of her flicks, including the aforesaid Shakespeare In Love. I mean, for all of her apparent--again, shall we say--quirks, the daughter of Blythe Danner is one sexy beast, as Austin Powers might say (and I believe Gwyneth starred in one of those flicks too!)! So, here's the deal, Gwyndie dear, keep taking it off for the camera and I won't bitch too much about your other--once again, shall we say--qualities, all right? A sidenote: One time a while back while I was watching the celebrity gossip show TMZ (hey, I was bored!), they showed a video captured by paparazzi (of course!) showing Gwyneth out with her D-Bag husband who's the D-Bag lead singer of the D-Bag "rock" group Coldplay--whose D-Bag name escapes me for the moment--beating up on some wimpy paparazzo. The interesting thing about the video, I thought, was that there were about half-a-dozen photographers there surrounding them, including the one with the video camera, and Mr. D-Bag Coldplay guy seemingly went after the shortest--and thereby weakest--one. Man, what a fucking D-Bag! Normally I would ask why Gwyneth is married to such a D-Bag, but I believe it's rather obvious, don't you?