AN ODE TO JANE MARCH (YES, THE JANE MARCH!)

Jane March is NOT a household name by ANY means. A former model-turned-actress, Jane has starred sporadically in films and TV throughout the past couple of decades, most notably in the films The Lover, where she played the teenaged lover of an older Chinese man, and the Bruce Willis soft-core porn epic Color Of Night, where Jane spent about three-fourths of the flick buck-ass-naked, and a pretty-much-forgettable Tarzan flick with Jane playing, well, Jane and Casper Van Dien (of Starship Troopers fame and NOT much else!) playing the buffed-up Tazan role. If you haven't already noticed, Jane has no apparent aversion to being nude oncamera in spite of what she's stated publicly; like, for instance, rumors were floating around about the numerous sex scenes in her first film The Lover being unsimulated that were reportedly fueled by the film's director, which Jane reportedly took grave offense to. However, if you pause the film in certain places at JUST the right moments, you can tell that the actor Jane is "banging" is clearly NOT wearing a "crotch patch" (i.e. patches that actors oftentimes wear on their privates during love scenes in flicks so they'll be no, as Chelsea Handler would put it, penetration). In her second film Color Of Night, Jane claimed to have been initially hesitant to do all the nude scenes the script required her to do but then reportedly changed her mind when she started to feel "comfortable" on the set of the film (plus the fact that she probably felt starring in a flick with the one & only Bruce "Die Hard" Willis would boost her career, which apparently DIDN'T happen judging by the film's rather abysmal box office performance and the fact that Jane seemingly dropped off the face of the Hollywood map after the film's release). And I, of course, can't pen an "ode" to the lovely Jane March without mentioning her, shall we say, exotic looks, which, of course, may have at least a little something to do with the fact that her mother was Chinese and Vietnamese. Oh yeah, Jane also appeared nude in the B-movie-esque Provocateur. Just thought you'd like to know!