LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD

Live Free Or Die Hard is the fourth installment of the popular Die Hard movie franchise. In this one, Bruce Willis reprises his popular role as the rather grizzled police detective John McClane where he goes after a cyber terrorist group who seeks to shut down not only Washington but the rest of the country with the help of a computer hacker whom he rescues from said terrorists. Timothy Olyphant (of TV's Justified fame) plays the lead terrorist and "uber" hottie Maggie Q (of TV's Nikita fame) plays his right-hand, er, man. This film is pretty much a straight-up action flick. There's not too much in the way of character development; like, for instance, we never learn much about Maggie Q's character who just seems to be there as the obligatory eye candy, although I will say her fight scene with McClane's character is one of the best scenes in the movie, at least in my oh-so-humble opinion. Olyphant's character is actually pretty sinister and not as, shall we say, cartoonish as a lot of bad guys I've seen in these type of flicks (although the all-time best Die Hard villain was--and will always be--Alan Rickman from the first DH!). Actually, I feel this could've worked as a non-Die Hard flick since, at least in my view, it didn't quite fit with the previous three Die Hards. But, of course, the producers of this flick probably thought they'd sell more tickets if it was in fact a bonafide Die Hard flick, which, of course, might very well be the case since Live Free Or Die Hard was reportedly the most financially successful of all the Die Hards, including the "classic" first one. This was also the first Die Hard flick that wasn't rated R but was instead rated PG-13, which is not so surprising given that it doesn't have as much violence and/or as much profanity as the others; like, for instance, there was a "Yippee-kay-yay!" but no . . . well, you know! (Willis himself reportedly groused about this in interviews at the time, but, then again, I don't think there's hardly anything that he doesn't grouse about!) In any case, Live Free Or Die Hard is a really entertaining action flick. I think fans of both Die Hard and action flicks altogether will no doubt enjoy this flick (but then, I could be wrong!). What was really rather terrifying about this flick is the type of doomsday-type scenario it depicts could actually happen in real life, at least theoretically so. Oh yeah, this flick also has a rather whacky cameo from film director Kevin Smith as a supposedly big-time computer hacker named Warlock who helps out both McClane and his computer hacker ally. Of course, it all depends on how much of a Kevin Smith fan you are on whether this is good news or not! 

Here's the scene of Bruce Willis as John McClane getting his ass kicked by the lovely Maggie Q (ass-kicking NEVER looked so good!):

JINGLE ALL THE WAY

Jingle All The Way is a film starring none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger and--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--Sinbad (yes, THAT Sinbad!). This film was released back in the mid-nineties back when Ah-nold wasn't the box office draw he was during much of the eighties (that Red Sonja fiasco-of-a-flick notwithstanding!). Anyway, this was Ah-nold's attempt at doing a more "family-friendly" film (try saying THAT three times fast!). It's kind of like his better-known "family-oriented" flick Kindergarten Cop only without the rather disturbing violence (like, for instance, the bad guy in that film riddles a grade school with gunfire). In this film, Ah-nold plays a rather absentee dad who spends more time at the office than at home. One Christmas, his wife--played by Tom Hanks's hottie-of-a-wife Rita Wilson--goads Ah-nold's character to go buy their son this hard-to-find toy: an action figure called Turbo Man. While he's out searching heaven & earth for this popular toy, he locks horns with a manic mailman played by--you guessed it!--Sinbad who's searching for the very same toy for his kid with rather hilarious results. Especially towards the end of the film when Ah-nold's character winds up playing his son's beloved Turbo Man in a Christmas parade where he gets to pick a kid out of the crowd to give him a coveted Turbo Man personally. However, before he can give the toy to his little bastard, uh, I mean, son, he winds up doing battle with--that's right!--Sinbad who's dressed up like Turbo Man's nemesis Dementor. I won't tell you how the flick ends (though, with it being a "family-friendly" film, you can probably already figure that out for yourself!). It probably goes without saying that Jingle All The Way isn't one of Ah-nold's best-known and/or best-remembered flicks, but, speaking for myself, I did find it rather entertaining. In fact, and I know a number of people would disagree with me on this, I actually liked this flick better than the aforementioned Kindergarten Cop, primarily because in this flick we don't get to see the kiddies as much as we do in KC (and regular readers of this blog--Heaven help you!--will no doubt know how much I just LOVE flicks with a bunch of kiddies in them!). I also found it more entertaining to watch Ah-nold play Turbo Man than watching him play supervillain Mr. Freeze in that George Clooney cinematic crapfest Batman & Robin! And, while this film also won't be regarded a "holiday" classic like, say, Scrooge or Miracle On 34th Street, it would still be an entertaining enough flick for the--dare I say it!--kids to watch one Christmas. Oh yeah, this flick also stars the late Saturday Night Live alumnus Phil Hartman as Ah-nold's horndog of a neighbor who tries to make the moves on Rita Wilson's character. This was, of course, a couple of years before Phil was shot and killed by his wacko wife before she offed herself. Merry Christmas! (Yeah, I know, I'm an A-Hole!) 

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE

I Spit On Your Grave is the late-seventies "cult" classic about a woman who gets brutally gang-raped--repeatedly--and then gets bloody retribution against her attackers. I'd heard about this movie for a long time and especially how "gory" it is and, when I finally got to watch it, I must say it was one of the few films that actually lived up to its, for lack of a better word, hype. But I feel it's only fair to warn potential viewers of this flick is that it's one of the MOST brutally effed-up flicks I've EVER seen. I mean, the brutal gang-rape scene alone takes up about 30 minutes of the film. (By comparison, the hillbilly "all-male" rape scene in the earlier-reviewed Deliverance is not even HALF that long!) And then there's, of course, the last half of the film where the woman gets said bloody retribution. And when I say bloody I mean, of course, BLOODY; like, for instance, she slices off one rapist's, shall we say, appendage while he's in the bathtub and locks him in the bathroom and lets him bleed out screaming while she's rocking back-and-forth in a rocking chair while listening to an opera record. Hell, even one of her attackers is--again, shall we say--mentally-challenged. As you can probably already tell, subtle is NOT in this flick's cinematic vocabulary! Anyway, parts of this film is rather slow-going and kind of boring but, when the violence and/or brutality starts, YIKES! But, I have to admit, two of the eeriest scenes for me--other than, of course, the obvious ones!--is when the woman spies on one of her attackers--the one she "attacks" in the bathtub--as he's with his wife and kids and also the scene where she goes inside a church and says "Forgive me!" before she goes on her killing spree. Even this blog's namesake the late Roger Ebert called the film, and I quote, "a vile bag of garbage" and stated how watching this film, and again I quote, "was one of the most depressing experiences of my life." This film has also been banned even to this day in a number of countries, including Germany (GERMANY!!!!). Now, the question remains, whether or not I personally "enjoyed" this movie. To be brutally (pardon the pun!) honest, this is one of those movies I could go either way on. Anyway, I wouldn't necessarily describe this film as an out-and-out horror flick, though at least some viewers would most certainly call it horrific. But, whatever one wants to call this film, I Spit On Your Grave is not--I repeat--NOT an easy film to watch. You've been warned! A sidenote: The film's director once told the story of how he once "rescued" a rape victim and how this "influenced" him to do this movie. I'm not sure if he "embellished" this particular story to make him look more "heroic" and/or to try to deflect all the criticism and/or condemnation this movie provoked. In any case, whatever this director's initial intentions were in wanting to do this movie, this flick is pure exploitation. Pure and simple. Not that I think there's anything wrong with that since I've, of course, reviewed "exploitation" flicks before on this blog (a perfect example of this would be the earlier-reviewed The Last House On The Left, which was the first rather brutal film directed by Wes "A Nightmare On Elm Street" Craven), although I would say this particular flick is more "exploitative" than most others I've seen, you know what I'm saying? Oh yeah, this film also spawned at least a couple of sequels and a remake released a couple of years ago. Just thought you'd like to know!

Here's a clip of the old movie review show Siskel & Ebert where they discussed I Spit On Your Grave along with other what they less-than-affectionately term "women-in-danger" films of which I thought was rather absurd since, along with ISOYG, in one of the other of these films they attacked, Friday the 13th, not only is the killer foiled by a young woman but THE KILLER IS A WOMAN!!!! (The killer being, of course Jason's mother who kills both women AND men not because she "hates" women as Siskel & Ebert suggest in their rather absurd condemnation of these type of flicks but rather she blamed camp counselors for the death of her son Jason, who, as horror aficionados all know, starts killing said campers/counselors in the sequels. I wonder, did Siskel & Ebert bother watching some of these flicks before they condemned them and/or the people who watched them?)

DRIVE-THRU

Drive-Thru is a 2007 horror-comedy about a murderously vengeful fast-food restaurant mascot called--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--Horny the Clown. Anyway, it turns out Horny the Clown is a boy who was once thought deceased who was also the son of said fast-food restaurant owner who is seeking revenge on the offspring on those who "accidentally" killed him on his 18th birthday by offing their offspring with a meat cleaver. Of course, horror fans have all seen this "plot" before in better-known horror flicks such as Friday the 13th and A Nightmare On Elm Street, i.e. a supernatural killer who's seeking revenge on those who wronged them by killing his offender's children and whatnot. And, of course, Drive-Thru will never be considered a horror "classic" as these films, but, to be honest, it's actually a pretty entertaining little horror flick. It's certainly not as campy or as badly-acted as other B-movie-esque horror flicks I've seen (and, of course, reviewed on this blog). That might be because it features actors and actresses who, though not necessarily A-list, are fairly known, such as Leighton Meester (of TV's Gossip Girl fame) who plays the daughter of the woman the killer once had a crush on--and was among those who "accidentally" killed him--and Lola Glaudini (who's starred in a number of TV shows, including NYPD Blue, Criminal Minds and The Sopranos) as the head detective investigating the murders. And, like other more "legendary" horror flick killers (Freddy Krueger, anyone?), Horny the Clown does recite rather catchy one-liners before carving his victims up with his trusty meat cleaver and finds, shall we say, unique ways to off his victims; like, for instance, Horny the Clown shoves one smartass gangsta-wannabe kid's head in a deep fryer at the beginning of the flick thereby melting his face off and he offs another panty-clad hottie by "cooking" her head in a microwave. (Nice!) Oh yeah, there's also a rather humorous cameo from noted film documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock as a rather inept fast-food worker, which, of course, is rather ironic--which is no doubt how it was intended to be!--given that he's most noted for doing that documentary Supersize Me where he ate nothing but McDonald's for a month to prove how "unhealthy" it is (yeah, as if we need a documentary to tell us THAT!). There again, as in these other horror flicks, the ending is set up for a possible sequel, which, given the rather lackluster response to this particular film, will likely never happen, which I think is kind of a shame since, speaking for myself, I wouldn't mind seeing another return of Horny the Clown! Gives a whole new meaning to "You want fries with that!" Best line in the flick: "Fast food kills, fucker!" Second best line: "All work and no play makes Horny a dull boy!"

MAN OF STEEL

Man Of Steel is yet another recent comic book/superhero retread, this one of the iconic Superman. This particular superhero flick, unlike other superhero flicks I've seen (and, yes, I'm looking at YOU, Iron Man!), is fairly faithful to the storyline: Superman gets sent to Earth by his father Jor-El before his home planet of Krypton gets blown to smithereens where he lands in a field in Smallville and gets raised by the Kents and goes by the human name of Clark. From there, Clark learns of his true origins and eventually becomes the superhero known as Superman. In this film, Superman is forced to reveal himself after Kryptonian criminal/general Zod--who murdered his father and got sent to the Phantom Zone before Krypton blew up--comes to Earth with his vengeful followers after escaping the Phantom Zone and seeks revenge against Superman (sort of like the sequel to the late-seventies Superman film starring the late Christopher Reeve). Unlike in the other Superman flicks/TV shows I've seen, humanity doesn't instantly embrace Supes and at first look at him as kind of an enemy and hand him over to Zod when Zod threatens to blow up the Earth if they don't turn Superman over to him. While aboard his ship, Superman learns of Zod's true plans of turning Earth into a second Krypton. Aided by his love-interest/reporter Lois Lane (whom Zod also orders onto his ship since she was the first one to learn of Superman's existence/identity), Superman manages to escape Zod's ship and sets out to stop him. For those who haven't seen this flick yet, I won't spoil the ending (though, of course, you can probably already figure it out for yourself). Overall, Man Of Steel is actually a pretty decent superhero flick, although I don't feel it will be considered as much of a "classic" as the late-seventies Superman flick starring the late Christopher Reeve since, for one, MOS is a bit "darker" and more violent and lacks the humor that made CR's Superman indeed such a "classic" and all. But two things I like about this particular Superman flick is that, for one, it doesn't feature Lex Luthor whom I feel is one of the absolute lamest "supervillains" of all-time (I mean, a bald guy with above average intelligence; really?), and two, Lois Lane is able to figure out right away that Superman is in fact Clark Kent unlike, of course, in the other Superman adaptations where it seems to take "ace" reporter Lois a really long damn time to figure this piece of obviousness out (I mean, who WOULDN'T be "fooled" by a pair of glasses!). I will say one thing about Man Of Steel: it was a damn sight BETTER than that Superman Returns (no offense, Brandon Routh!)!

BLADE

Blade is a 1998 superhero action flick based on the comic book of the same name. Blade stars African-American actor Wesley Snipes as the title character who's a half-human/half-vampire who's not only at war with full-blooded vampires but, unlike full-blooded vamps, he can walk out in daylight without getting his blood-sucking ass fried to a crisp. Helping Blade with this task is a rather rough older gent who's a weapons expert named Whistler played by country crooner Kris Kristofferson along with a nurse he rescues from vampires who agrees to help him in his quest to wipe out vampire-kind. Blade's nemesis in the film is a rogue vampire named Deacon Frost--played by Stephen Dorff in what's perhaps his most memorable role to date--who's intent on becoming king of the vampires and/or wiping out humanity. You know, "typical" vampire shit. Anyway, as you might've guessed, Blade is a slice-'em-up/dice-'em-up vampire flick--like, for instance, Blade violently wipes out an entire vampire nightclub at the beginning of the film--that came out years before the sappy-crappy teenage angst-ridden vampiric-esque Twilight flicks. Blade also came out years before the current spate of mega-budgeted superhero flicks. Actually, I feel Blade is a better film than at least some of said current mega-budgeted superhero flicks (and, yes, I'm looking at YOU, Spider Man!). Blade became a huge box office success at the time and spawned two equally-successful--though, at least in my view, not as good--sequels. These films were released before Snipes was more or less regulated to doing B-movie-esque action flicks. Of course, these films were also released some years before Wesley went to the pokey for a bit for reportedly evading his taxes or whatever, but I digress. In any case, I think Blade is a prime example of how not only a vampire flick SHOULD be made but also a superhero flick as well (and, again, I'm looking at YOU, Spider Man!).