THE FIRST WIVES CLUB

The First Wives Club is without a doubt one of the most ridiculously asinine flicks I have EVER wasted my time watching. I believe I've posted before how it really takes a lot for me to really hate a movie. Well, if THIS flick would not be in my top five most hated flicks list, it would most definitely be in my top ten. The First Wives Club stars Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton and Bette Midler as three divorced women who get pissed off at their ex-husbands for daring to date younger women. So they all three form a--you guessed it!--First Wives Club with the distinct goal of seeking revenge against their exes. Here's the problem I had with this particular flick (which even this blog's namesake the late Roger Ebert denounced as a "creepy revenge comedy"): Although this movie is billed as a "comedy," viewers are still supposed to root for these three "abused" women. Trouble is, the characters played by Goldie, Diane and Bette are three of the most narcissistic harpies I've ever seen on-film. And, while their ex-husbands might be superficial cads, they hardly quality as hardcore "abusers" to their ex-wives (e.g. they suffer no verbal or physical abuse, which, of course, are topics that wouldn't do all too well in a film that's supposed to be a "comedy"). What made this flick all the more cringe-worthy was the ending when, after the three women had gotten their "revenge" on their exes or whatever, they all three dance to the song "You Don't Own Me" complete with matching white outfits. Ugh. At least they didn't go the Thelma & Louise route and commit mass suicide (but then, given how lousy THIS movie was, it might've--and I say might've!--made it better!). There was even a scene where one of the daughters, to help mom get back at her "abusive" father (after he'd given her a job, no less), rather vindictively told her father that she was a "big" lesbian (how's THAT for "gay" rights!). The only thing I found "enjoyable" about this flick at all was that it starred Elizabeth Berkley (of Showgirls fame) as one of the younger girlfriends of one of the ex-husbands (and, no, she kept her clothes on in this flick; not that I think even THAT would've made it better it was THAT bad!). I think one of the reasons why I felt this film SUCKED was because I've known women in my life who were truly abused by their husbands and/or their boyfriends (and, as Forrest Gump might say, that's all I'm gonna say about that) and, because of that, I found it rather difficult to root for three well-to-do self-absorbed white women who were pissed off at their husbands for going through a midlife crisis or whatever. Again, this film is supposed to be a "comedy" and some people might--and I say might!--tell me to lighten up, but, there again, I remember when this film first came out--back in the mid-nineties--it was lauded as a "feminist" movie and, there again, the three main characters were lauded as some type of "role models" for other women to admire or emulate or whatever (or at least that's the impression I got). And, there again, I found nothing--I repeat--NOTHING "admirable" about these self-preoccupied (fill in the blank for yourself!). I actually heard someone was actually planning a remake of this asinine flick. Heaven help us all! Lastly, wouldn't the best "revenge" for these gals would have been to "date" younger dudes? Just saying! A sidenote: I feel I should point out that the author who wrote the book that this asinine movie was based on--whose name was Olivia Goldsmith--actually died during--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--plastic surgery. Make of THAT what you will!

Here's the clip of Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton & Bette Midler dancing in matching white outfits in the "climax" of The First Wives Club (my apologies in advance!):