VAMPIRES SUCK

Vampires Suck is a spoof on the sappy-crappy Twilight film series. I'm actually not too big a "fan" of spoof movies (unless, of course, they're of the "adult" variety, if you know what I mean!), and watching this film didn't turn me into a bigger "fan" of these type of flicks! Actually, this film, in spite of its universally negative reviews, wasn't too bad for a spoof film. It does manage to scrape up at least a few laughs, and the fact that it sticks it to said sappy-crappy Twilight flicks does add to its appeal. Anyway, this spoof follows pretty much the same storyline as the "original" film: "average" hormonal teenage chick goes to this weird-ass small town to live with her clueless sheriff father where she meets--and falls in love with--a "hunky" brooding teenaged vampire who DOESN'T drink blood and who DOESN'T have sex to boot (and, yes, he sparkles in sunlight just like in the Twilight flicks!). Soon said "average" hormonal teenage chick finds herself in a virginal threesome of sorts when a "hunky" brooding teenaged werewolf also vies for her affections and she--of course!--must make a choice. Of course, in the spoof, they take various jabs at the sheer inanity of it all. Like I said, this flick does manage a few laughs, although, as is the case with other spoofs I've seen, a good number of said laughs do seem a bit forced. One of the scenes I genuinely found myself laughing at is when Vampire Boy sneaks into Average Girl's bedroom one night while she's asleep and, as he's hovering over her, he makes some lame comment--ala the "original" Twilight!--about what a "gift" it is just to be able to watch her breathe or whatever and she lets out a big old fart right into his face and he winds up choking and falling out the window. Again, there are a few more laughs in this film, and it'd be an all right flick to watch if you don't have anything better to watch and especially if you can't stand those sappy-crappy Twilight flicks. Best line in the movie: "I'm paralyzed from the waist down. And do you know what's from the waist down? My penis!" Second best line in the flick: "I've been dreaming about prom ever since I was a sperm in my daddy's balls!" I will say that Vampire Boy bites it (pardon the pun!) at the end of the flick, so that's an added bonus! And I'll kindly refrain from saying this movie SUCKS, if that's all right with you!