AN ODE (OR FU) TO TOM SHADYAC: HOLLYWEIRD'S HIPPY-DIPPY KUMBAYA PEACE & LOVE B.S. GURU

Tom "Ace Ventura" Shadyac: Talkin' to that "Jesus cat" fella?

Laura "Trip To Mars" Eisenhower & Her Great-Grandpa Dwight D.

 

One thing I can’t stand about Hollyweird and its pretentious minions is how they keep espousing this hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. and demand that us lowly peons share in said “love” and whatnot. One of the absolute WORST offenders in this regard is film director Tom Shadyac. Now, at this point, you might be saying to yourself, “Now just who in the blessed hell is Tom Shadyac?” While Tom Shadyac might not be a household name (and, with a name like Shadyac, that’s hard to believe!), people might know of his films such as the Jim Carrey vehicle Ace Ventura, the Robin Williams vehicle Patch Adams, the Eddie Murphy vehicle The Nutty Professor, Bruce Almighty and its, uh-hum, much-anticipated sequel Evan Almighty. Oh yeah, he also “produced” the earlier-reviewed Adam Sandler vehicle I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (or whatever the hell it was called). The reason why I’m writing about Mr. Shadyac here is because of his appearance on British comedian Russell Brand’s talk show Brand X where Tom not only espoused his hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. but he also took more than his fair share of jabs at this woman named Laura Eisenhower--who’s the great-granddaughter of none other than former President Dwight D. Eisenhower--because she talked about “chem trails” and/or being offered an actual trip to Mars by a former boyfriend she had met at some festival on the same show. What got to me about this is that Tom was saying basically the same B.S. about how we’re all “connected” as Laura and sounded just as, shall we say, out there as she did. As I was watching Tom’s interview, I couldn’t help but wonder how Tom reconciled his (supposed) "belief" of humanity being “unified” and how we should all just love & respect one another and whatnot while he attacked Miss Eisenhower for being--again, shall we say--out there. Tom also sounded off on religion and how he was into that “Jesus cat” and implied what kind of pets said “Jesus cat” would have and, well, you get the picture. I’m not sure if Mr. Brand was buying Tom’s brand of hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. (I mean, it’s kind of hard to tell with this guy!). But let me back up here and give a little background info on Mr. Crazyass, uh, I mean, Shadyac: Apparently Tom came to his hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. revelation when he had a bike accident and he hit his head and . . . well, I don’t feel I have to say anything more at this point, now do I? Anyway, after hitting his head, he began giving his money away and selling his possessions ala “Jesus cat” and moved into a mobile home park (granted, it’s a more upscale mobile home park, but it’s a mobile park nevertheless!). Again, while he was talking about his vow of pseudo-poverty (even though his net worth is still estimated to be around $5 million), I got to thinking that people of his apparent means can take a more “liberal” approach to life and living and whatnot while others definitely DON’T have that same luxury, you know what I mean? But, if I haven’t convinced you yet of what an whack-a-do Tom Shadyac comes across as, here’s a portion of an interview he did for Christianity Today while he was out promoting his, uh-hum, much-anticipated film Evan Almighty when asked who his greatest influence is: "Someone asked me the other day, 'What's the biggest influence on your filmmaking career?' And they started naming filmmakers. I went 'Naw, it's Jesus actually.'" Actually, I can see how that "Jesus cat" would inspire films such as Bruce and/or Evan Almighty! Anyway, Tom goes on to say that he responds to the Sermon on the Mount "to this guy who talked about loving your neighbor and loving your enemy. I know what's moving me and I know what I want to be true to in my work. And if people pigeonhole me for that, I don't really care." You know, this is actually MORE entertaining than his movies! Frankly, I myself "don't care" what anyone believes be they Tom Shadyac or Laura Eisenhower or whoever (although I admit that whole "trip to Mars" thing may have been a bit much!). But one thing I would like to say to Tom personally is that, if you're going to keep espousing hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. like THIS, then don't--I repeat--DON'T go on national TV and ridicule someone for espousing something like chem trails (which are a documented FACT unlike, of course, your hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S., but I digress). Besides, I don't want--or need--life lessons from someone who directed Ace Flippin' Ventura, do you? I didn't think so! Oh yeah, Tom Shadyac is also an "adjunct" professor at Pepperdine University. The Nutty Professor, indeed! 

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

 

The Beverly Hillbillies is, of course, based on the classic TV series of the same name. It came out during the time in the nineties when Hollyweird was putting out movies based on old TV shows left and right. (I guess it was easier than to come up with original shit!) The plot of the movie is pretty much the same as the show: a backwoods family discovers oil in their backyard and they strike it rich and move to Beverly Hills as a result and sheer hilarity ensues! The same characters from the show are also featured in the movie: the Clampett family, the banker Mr. Drysdale (played by Dabney Coleman) and Miss Hathaway (played by Lily Tomlin) along with a few other characters, one of whom is played by (alleged) comedic actor Rob Schneider (in one of the few roles he got without having his nose burrowed firmly up Adam Sandler's ass!). This film also features a cameo from none other than Buddy Ebsen who, of course, played Clampett family patriarch Jed Clampett who plays his other noted TV role Barnaby Jones in this film (and is also his last starring role before his passing). Anyway, my favorite part about the movie--other than, of course, the "uber" hot Elly May Clampett being played by the "uber" hot Erika Eleniak (who starred in that other "classic" TV show Baywatch and who also starred in the earlier-reviewed film The Opponent)--is the scene when the Clampetts travel on the L.A. freeway for the first time in their old beat-up jalopy and this car pulls up next to them and the guy on the passenger side pulls out a gun on them and Jed--played in the film by the late Jim Varney (who played in those rather annoying "Ernest Goes To . . ." flicks)--pulls out his shotgun, points it at them and says, "This here's what I carry!" Oh yeah, Granny and Jethro are played by . . . aw, just watch the damn flick and find out for yourself, all right? 

OLD YELLER

 

Old Yeller is a heartwarming family tale of a young boy who winds up blowing his beloved dog's brains out after he contracts rabies. Watch it with the PETA member in your life!



ALMOST FAMOUS

 

Almost Famous tells the story of a teenaged wannabe rock journalist who winds up following a rock band called Stillwater around on tour. It stars Goldie Hawn progeny Kate Hudson in her only-as-yet-even-halfway-memorable film role as, of all things, a groupie-with-a-heart-of-gold named--hold on for it!--Penny Lane. Frankly, I think the two most memorable things about this film is Kate Hudson's all-too-brief nude scene--since, after all, she is playing a groupie-with-a-heart-of-gold!--and the scene where said teenaged wannabe rock journalist has a meeting with an older established rock journalist named--again, hold on for it!--Lester Bangs played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman. During their meeting, Bangs talks about what he less-than-affectionately terms Rock Geniuses, i.e. these pretentious-as-hell rock stars (and, yep, I'm looking at YOU, Bozo, uh, I mean, Bono!) who pretentiously think that their songs are gonna change the whole freakin' world with the pretentious freakin' songs (and, yep, I'm looking at YOU, Bob Dylan!). Hey, it's worked out great so far, hasn't it? 

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY

Let's face it, the only real reason to watch this flick is the by-now-infamous deli scene where Meg Ryan--who was still was still considered America's Sweetheart before Russell Crowe got his claws into her (or was it the other way around?) and/or before she started getting all that plastic surgery that made her start looking like a danged chipmunk--demonstrates how to properly fake an orgasm to co-star Billy Crystal back when he was still considered actually funny. Then director Rob "Meathead" Reiner's mother turns to the waitress and says with a huge grin, "I'll have what she's having!" Meg doesn't even have a nude scene in this flick (for THAT you have to watch noted conspiracy theorist nutso Oliver Stone's Jim Morrison aptly-titled biopic The Doors and/or her rather controversial flick In The Cut, for those of you who'd like to know).    

10 movies Roger Ebert 'hated, hated, hated, hated, hated'

10 movies Roger Ebert 'hated, hated, hated, hated, hated'

Being a film reviewer myself, I most definitely know the feeling!

Famed Movie Critic Roger Ebert Dies at Age 70 - ABC News

Famed Movie Critic Roger Ebert Dies at Age 70 - ABC News

Roger Ebert, who's, of course, this blog's namesake, will most definitely be missed!

MACHETE

 

Machete is a sort of spoof on exploitation-style films of the seventies directed by Robert Rodriguez (of Spy Kids fame) and starring Danny Trejo--who usually plays the bad guys in the films he stars in--in his very first lead role and is an extension of a "fake" trailer featured in the grindhouse film Robert co-directed with Quentin Tarantino called, well, Grindhouse. In fact, some of the footage shown in the faux trailer was also featured in the film. In the film, Danny plays a Mexican cop who goes by the name of Machete because his weapon-of-choice is a machete whose family gets killed and he gets left for dead by a vindictive drug lord played by none other than action film "star" Steven Seagal in his very first "bad guy" role. Machete shows up in the U.S. a few years later where he works as a day laborer. He gets approached by this rather mysterious man played by Jeff Fahey who pays Machete a few thousand bucks to off this controversial "anti-immigrant" politician played by Robert De Niro (yes, THAT Robert De Niro!). It probably goes without saying that Machete gets set up by said rather mysterious man and goes on the run. Along the way, Machete teams up with a sexy federal agent played by Jessica Alba along with a just-as-sexy leader of an "underground" immigrant movement played by Michelle Rodriguez (who starred in the previously-reviewed first Resident Evil film) who gets her eye shot out by an almost unrecognizable Don Johnson (of Miami Vice fame) who plays a Sheriff Joe Arpaio type (without the homicidal intent) who patrols the border along with his group and executes "illegal" immigrants they come across. As you can probably already tell by now, subtle is NOT in this movie's vocabulary; like, for instance, the scene where Machete faces down a group of hit men and he rips out one of their intestines and uses it as a rope to escape out a window. The movie culminates in what's got to be one of the most over-the-top shootouts in cinematic history that includes, among other things, Lindsay Lohan (yes, THAT Lindsay Lohan!) appearing dressed as--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--a nun who winds up shooting Robert De Niro's character. I don't think there's anything else that needs to be about this particular flick, do you? A sidenote: I'm kind of surprised Steven Seagal actually agreed to do this particular flick since it doesn't put "anti-immigrant" public figures in a very good light. Especially since Seagal's apparently pretty good buddies with the aforementioned Sheriff Joe Arpaio. The two have even appeared together in their very own "reality" show. I guess Steven really needed the paycheck, huh?    



FIREWALKER

 

Firewalker is a mid-eighties flick starring martial arts action star Chuck Norris and award-winning actor Lou Gosset--who also goes by Louis Gosset, Jr.--as two rather bumbling treasure hunters who get hooked up with a rather flaky woman who hires the two to help her find some buried treasure in Central America. Critics have charged this movie to be a blatant rip-off of the Indiana Jones flicks--the same way critics charged Chuck's Missing In Action flicks to be a blatant rip-off of the Rambo flicks--and, truthfully, it is. Actually, this flick is Indiana Jones-lite (VERY lite!), though it does have its comedic moments. The funniest scene for me would have to be when noted Native-American actor the late Will Sampson--who starred in the "classic" films The Outlaw Josey Wales, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest and that one Poltergeist flick--saying after he visits with the three, "I don't know how Tonto did it!" I think I should note that this film contains portrayals of Native-Americans that might not seem all that "politically-correct" by today's standards. But, since you'll quite likely to forget this flick about 5 minutes after you watch it, that probably won't bother you too much! Of course, Chuck Norris displays his martial arts skills in this flick, especially in the obligatory bar fight scene which seems to be included in every single Chuck Norris flick ever made (I think Chuck has it in his contract that he has to have at least one bar fight scene in every single flick he stars in to apparently remind moviegoers what a "bad-ass" he is!). Compared to other Chuck Norris films, it's not nearly as good as the earlier-reviewed Lone Wolf McQuade--which is my all-time favorite Chuck Norris flick--and is better than the likewise earlier-reviewed Top Dog (woof!). This film could very well appeal to diehard Chuck Norris fans (of which I used to be one until he came out with that rather asinine TV show Walker Texas Ranger plus his rather loony right-wing political views sure didn't help!) who wish to see a "lighter" side of Chuck (and who knew he had one?). A sidenote: This was Will Sampson's final movie role before his untimely passing. Too bad he couldn't have starred in a better flick before said passing (no offense, Chuck!).



KARATE DOG

 

Have you ever heard of a movie where, although you've never seen it (and have absolutely NO intention to), you just know that it would SUCK canal water? This movie, about a karate-fighting crime dog voiced by--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--Chevy Chase and starring--and, again, I'm NOT making this up!--award-winning actor Jon "Deliverance" Voight, is one of those movies. To be brutally honest, I probably wouldn't watch this particular movie even if Jon's sexy-ass estranged daughter Angelina Jolie made a cameo IN THE NUDE. (Oh, what the hell am I saying, yeah I would!)