ENTER THE NINJA

Enter the Ninja is such a laughably bad "ninja" flick that it makes the previously-reviewed The Hunted look like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon! It was produced by the Golan Globus Cannon company that produced a slew a martial arts and/or other action films throughout the eighties and at least part of the nineties. Sometimes these flicks were actually watchable while others, like THIS one, were so hilariously bad they were good! The film stars actor Franco Nero (precisely!) who plays a Westerner who trains in Japan to become a--you guessed it!--ninja. When his "training" is complete (although it is quite clear that someone else is doing most if not all of the main fighting sequences for him ala Tom Loughlin in the MUCH better martial arts flick Billy Jack), he travels to another Asian or Asian-esque island to visit his old friend and former war buddy played by . . . aw, who the hell cares, right? The ninja's buddy's wife is played by the MILF-esque Susan George--who's perhaps best known for her rather intense role in the Sam Pekinpah classic flick Straw Dogs (where she "stars" in one of the most disturbing rape scenes I've ever seen)--who at first doesn't seem to like her hubby's war buddy as she approaches him with a shotgun and he ends up kicking her in the shapely ass and then later she sleeps with him (although we don't get to see anything, which, of course, hasn't stopped Susan from showing us the goods before!). Anyway, Nero's character's friend owns a farm and is being threatened by the local gang because his farm is apparently right under a shitload of oil. The gang looks like they couldn't rough up a high school choir much less a bunch of farmers. Anyway, disbelief suspended, the main henchman of the gang looks like a pigman (Jerry Seinfeld, are you listening?) with a hook for a hand. And the leader of the gang isn't much better as his death scene at the hands of Nero the Ninja is SO over-the-top that it makes William Shatner's death scene in that one Star Trek film look like Shakespeare by comparison! In any case, after the final climatic battle between Nero the Ninja--or, rather, his martial arts double--and his main rival at ninja training camp and Nero the Ninja avenges his war buddy's death at the hands of and the kidnapping of his beloved Susan by said main ninja rival (spoiler alert!), he leaves Susan George in the dust and heads off to the airport after promising her that he'll be back (Ah-nold, are you listening?), he finds pigman working at the airport--since, of course, his former boss is dead with a throwing star to the chest and all--and starts running for his life and, as Nero the Ninja starts walking off in his general direction, he winks at directly at the camera as if to let moviegoers know, "Hey, I know this film is utter crap! I needed the paycheck! What's your excuse?" What's your excuse, indeed!