Welcome to my Movie Blog!

Hi, I'm Tony, a.k.a. The Non Roger Ebert (R.I.P., Roger!), and welcome to my movie blog. First, let me start out by saying that this WON'T be any ordinary movie blog as I'll be reviewing movies you've probably heard of before or probably never thought about watching. Yes, I will review the occasional "mainstream" film (mostly to slam it!) and I'll be reviewing films both past and present (mostly past since I think most films released nowadays suck canal water!). I also won't be using any star ratings or thumbs up or thumbs down or anything like that since if you CAN'T figure out how much I love or loathe a film by my movie reviews alone then you're a dumb mofo, please exit the site NOW!!!! Along with the movie reviews will be commentaries on various celebrities and/or the so-called "entertainment" business in general. Enjoy!



Monday, February 25, 2013

AN ODE (OR FU) TO MEGAN FOX

 
Megan Fox became a household name by starring in those asinine Transformers movies--you know, the flicks based on a TOY line--directed by schlock-meister movie director Michael Bay. Well, she at least starred in the first two until she opened up her mouth and declared said director Bay a, and I quote, Nazi. It probably goes without saying that she was noticeably (?) absent from the third one. Of course, in Transformers, as in pretty much all of her films, she was there to provide the requisite T & A (like, for instance, she gets her bra-laden boobs groped by another chick in the flick This Is 40). Thus far, her only “major” starring role was in the so-bad-it-was-good cheesy-ass “horror” flick Jennifer’s Body. Anyway, between making contributions to crappy cinema--and usually while doing half-naked photo shoots for men’s magazines--Megan has gone-on-record complaining about her “career” and how “hard” it is not only to be a rich & famous celebrity but also how she’s apparently sick & tired of being a sex symbol (again, usually while appearing half-naked in the accompanying photo, er, spread). Of course, as is the case with all other rich & famous celebs who likewise bitch & moan & gripe & complain about being rich & famous (Kristen “Being Famous Is Just Like Being Raped!” Stewart, are you listening?), no one has yet posed (pardon the pun!) the question that would she be “happier” if she were broke & unknown? Or, better yet, if she no longer wishes to be rich & famous and/or to be thought of solely as a sex symbol or eye candy or whatever, why then does she NOT go and do something else (since, of course, no one has “forced” Megan Fox--nor her fellow whiny celebs--to BE rich & famous and/or a sex symbol and whatnot)? In fact, in her utterly fascinating interview in the February 2013 issue of Esquire (complete with half-naked cover shot!) wherein she offers her utterly fascinating take on “important” issues such of the Book of Revelation in the Bible (which she’s claimed to have read “a million times”) and her firm belief in--and, no, I’m NOT making this up!--leprechauns, and wherein she reiterates her stated distaste of being rich & famous and--of course!--a damnable sex symbol, she claims towards the end of the interview how she’d rather be--and, again, I’m NOT making this up!--an archeologist. Which brings me to a suggestion I’d like to offer Megan Fox (and, as always, her fellow whiny celebs who share Megan’s “distaste” of being a celeb): If you’d rather be an archeologist than a rich & famous celebrity, then BE a damned archeologist and stop--I repeat!--STOP bitching & moaning & whining & complaining about living a life that most people can only dream about living! I mean, it’s just like with “normal” people, if you don’t like your “job,” THEN FUCKING QUIT YOUR "JOB"!!!! Just a suggestion! And, FYI, Megan, just wait a few more years and you won’t have to worry about people thinking of you as a “lowly” sex symbol. I mean, you don’t see Sophia Loren--who was the Megan Fox of her day--posing half-naked on the covers of any men’s magazines nowadays, now do ya? A sidenote: I found it rather amusing when I read in the same Esquire article about how Megan Fox’s husband Brian Austin Green--who’s perhaps best known as the rappin’ dweeby teen on the original Beverly Hills 90210--virtually attacks any paparazzo who dares tries to take a picture of him and his beloved wife Megan. Why I find this so amusing is that no one, paparazzo or no, would being giving a flying you-know-what about Brian Austin Green were it NOT for the fact that his wife is Megan Fox! A second sidenote: Apparently Megan Fox has made nice with Michael Bay since, at the time of this writing, she's been cast to play the--what else!--comic book character April O'Neil from the--again, what else!--comic book Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (Please insert your own joke here!)


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