THE BLEEDING

It takes a lot for me to really hate a movie, but, I've got to tell ya, this film came awfully damn close to me REALLY hating it! The best way to describe this flick is that it's a low-rent Blade, a VERY low-rent Blade, in that it's about a vampire slayer who's the only one who can defeat a vampire lord who's intent on dominating and/or destroying humanity. Stop me if you've heard ALL of this before! The slayer-in-question is played by Michael Matthias. Yes, THE Michael Matthias! If it sounds like I'm being sarcastic, you're absolutely right I am! I mean, this Vin Diesel wannabe--complete with bald head and steroid-esque arms--doesn't even get top billing in the movie poster, for crying out loud! Of course, it could be because Matthew's, uh-hum, acting makes Vin Diesel's thespian skills look like Yul Brynner's by comparison! And that's not where the suckiness of this flick ends. I mean, not only does it contain bad acting (and NOT just from Michael), but it contains bad editing--one second Michael is holding two machine guns and in the very next second he's holding a shotgun--and the fight scenes are choppy, to say the least! What's even more head-scratching about this flick is that it also stars more seasoned actors Armand Assante--who's in the film for maybe (maybe!) five minutes--and Michael Madsen as the other Michael's sidekick/mentor named--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--Reverend Roy. I think Madsen would have been better cast as the vampire slayer, but then, that's just me. Anyway, I guess this film overall is passable--barely--as a B-movie flick and is all right to watch if you've got nothing--and I do mean NOTHING--better to do. I mean, if you want to watch a vampire slayer flick, you'd be better off watching the third--and, by all accounts, the worst--installment of the Blade trilogy which, compared to THIS flick, is a cinematic masterpiece! Oh yeah, this film also marks the "acting" debut of noted tattoo artist and "reality" TV personality Kat Von D. I don't believe there's anything else that needs to be said about THIS flick, is there?