LOOPER

Looper stars Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt in what's got to be the most interesting--and rather confusing--flick I've seen in a while. First of all, Willis and Levitt both play the same man in the film. Levitt is a Looper, which is basically a "futuristic" hit man for the mob in that he kills whoever the mob from the future sends back in time for him to kill. Are you with me so far? In the future time travel is invented and then outlawed shortly thereafter. However, as expected, it's still in use by the criminal element, in particular a mysterious powerful mob boss known only as The Rainmaker who wants all Loopers killed. When a Looper's services are no longer needed, they get abducted in the future and then get sent back in time where they're killed by their younger selves. The Loopers know their services are no longer needed when they realize the person they just killed is indeed an older version of themselves. After being paid off in gold bars (when they're usually paid in silver bars) that are strapped to their older selves's backs, they're allowed to live another 30 years before their abduction and subsequent execution, Again, are you with me so far? Anyway, Hewitt's execution of himself doesn't go well and Willis manages to escape where he plans to find the then-still-young future Rainmaker and kill him to keep his future wife--who gets shot and killed during his abduction--safe and alive. Along the way, Hewitt hides out from his former employers at this farmhouse--who apparently don't take too kindly to Loopers who don't manage to off their future selves--where a woman--played by Emily Blunt--lives with her "son" who turns out to be--spoiler alert!--the future Rainmaker. Oh, did I mention that the young future Rainmaker is a powerful telekinetic of which at least a portion of the population possesses at least some form of telekinesis, including the future Rainmaker's "mother"? There again, are you with me so far? As one might expect with a rather weird-ass flick like this, there is a twist ending of which I won't spoil for you here. Looper would be an interesting flick for anyone who is interested is watching a, shall we say, different type of sci-fi flick. Oh yeah, one more thing you should know about this flick is that "uber" hot actress Piper Perabo (of Coyote Ugly fame) shows her ta-tas (notice I didn't say bodacious!) in a nudie scene with Joseph (who, thank the stars, doesn't show anything himself!). Just thought you'd like to know!

TALK RADIO

Talk Radio is a film directed by noted "political"--though some would so nutso!--director Oliver Stone and starring comedian-turned-actor Eric Bogosian (who also co-wrote the script). The film was based on Bogosian's play of the same name which was loosely based on the life and career of controversial radio talk show host Alan Berg who was eventually assassinated at the hands of a "white nationalist" group called The Order. In the film, Eric plays an Alan Berg-esque radio talk show host named Barry Champlain who's as big a bastard off-the-air as he is on-the-air (sound familiar?). He berates callers and deliberately provokes them in a deliberate attempt to get a rise out of them (again, sound familiar?). Then during one broadcast of his show a caller really rubs Barry the wrong way and he berates ALL of his callers and/or listeners. When he leaves the station, he gets confronted by this rather creepy guy who pretends to ask for his autograph and then pulls out a gun and--spoiler alert!--shoots him dead. The movie's theme is akin to the earlier-reviewed--and arguably better-received--Andy Griffith film A Face In The Crowd. Both films deal with the subject of media manipulation by those whose opinions and "influence" people value more than perhaps they should. Bogosian gives a masterful performance as Barry Champlain, and I think it would have made a more interesting flick if he and Stone had just gone ahead with a full-on Alan Berg biopic. Still, Talk Radio would be a pretty interesting flick for those who are intrigued by those on talk radio--and on TV--who rather inexplicably wield much power and "influence" among their listeners (and viewers). A sidenote: One vocal critic of this film when it first came out was legendary radio talk show host Larry King who said how "awful" this film was and actually encouraged people not to go see it. As for Alan Berg himself, what I thought was most intriguing about him was how he was an ardent left-winger in terms of his politics whereas many--or most--of the top radio talk show hosts nowadays are ardent right-wingers like, say, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. I guess it's like the old saying goes: the more things change the MORE they stay the same!

AN ODE TO PATRICIA ARQUETTE GETTING HER ARMPIT LICKED IN "FLIRTING WITH DISASTER"

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AN ODE (OR FU) TO TOM SHADYAC: HOLLYWEIRD'S HIPPY-DIPPY KUMBAYA PEACE & LOVE B.S. GURU

Tom "Ace Ventura" Shadyac: Talkin' to that "Jesus cat" fella?

Laura "Trip To Mars" Eisenhower & Her Great-Grandpa Dwight D.

 

One thing I can’t stand about Hollyweird and its pretentious minions is how they keep espousing this hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. and demand that us lowly peons share in said “love” and whatnot. One of the absolute WORST offenders in this regard is film director Tom Shadyac. Now, at this point, you might be saying to yourself, “Now just who in the blessed hell is Tom Shadyac?” While Tom Shadyac might not be a household name (and, with a name like Shadyac, that’s hard to believe!), people might know of his films such as the Jim Carrey vehicle Ace Ventura, the Robin Williams vehicle Patch Adams, the Eddie Murphy vehicle The Nutty Professor, Bruce Almighty and its, uh-hum, much-anticipated sequel Evan Almighty. Oh yeah, he also “produced” the earlier-reviewed Adam Sandler vehicle I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (or whatever the hell it was called). The reason why I’m writing about Mr. Shadyac here is because of his appearance on British comedian Russell Brand’s talk show Brand X where Tom not only espoused his hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. but he also took more than his fair share of jabs at this woman named Laura Eisenhower--who’s the great-granddaughter of none other than former President Dwight D. Eisenhower--because she talked about “chem trails” and/or being offered an actual trip to Mars by a former boyfriend she had met at some festival on the same show. What got to me about this is that Tom was saying basically the same B.S. about how we’re all “connected” as Laura and sounded just as, shall we say, out there as she did. As I was watching Tom’s interview, I couldn’t help but wonder how Tom reconciled his (supposed) "belief" of humanity being “unified” and how we should all just love & respect one another and whatnot while he attacked Miss Eisenhower for being--again, shall we say--out there. Tom also sounded off on religion and how he was into that “Jesus cat” and implied what kind of pets said “Jesus cat” would have and, well, you get the picture. I’m not sure if Mr. Brand was buying Tom’s brand of hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. (I mean, it’s kind of hard to tell with this guy!). But let me back up here and give a little background info on Mr. Crazyass, uh, I mean, Shadyac: Apparently Tom came to his hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. revelation when he had a bike accident and he hit his head and . . . well, I don’t feel I have to say anything more at this point, now do I? Anyway, after hitting his head, he began giving his money away and selling his possessions ala “Jesus cat” and moved into a mobile home park (granted, it’s a more upscale mobile home park, but it’s a mobile park nevertheless!). Again, while he was talking about his vow of pseudo-poverty (even though his net worth is still estimated to be around $5 million), I got to thinking that people of his apparent means can take a more “liberal” approach to life and living and whatnot while others definitely DON’T have that same luxury, you know what I mean? But, if I haven’t convinced you yet of what an whack-a-do Tom Shadyac comes across as, here’s a portion of an interview he did for Christianity Today while he was out promoting his, uh-hum, much-anticipated film Evan Almighty when asked who his greatest influence is: "Someone asked me the other day, 'What's the biggest influence on your filmmaking career?' And they started naming filmmakers. I went 'Naw, it's Jesus actually.'" Actually, I can see how that "Jesus cat" would inspire films such as Bruce and/or Evan Almighty! Anyway, Tom goes on to say that he responds to the Sermon on the Mount "to this guy who talked about loving your neighbor and loving your enemy. I know what's moving me and I know what I want to be true to in my work. And if people pigeonhole me for that, I don't really care." You know, this is actually MORE entertaining than his movies! Frankly, I myself "don't care" what anyone believes be they Tom Shadyac or Laura Eisenhower or whoever (although I admit that whole "trip to Mars" thing may have been a bit much!). But one thing I would like to say to Tom personally is that, if you're going to keep espousing hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S. like THIS, then don't--I repeat--DON'T go on national TV and ridicule someone for espousing something like chem trails (which are a documented FACT unlike, of course, your hippy-dippy Kumbaya peace & love B.S., but I digress). Besides, I don't want--or need--life lessons from someone who directed Ace Flippin' Ventura, do you? I didn't think so! Oh yeah, Tom Shadyac is also an "adjunct" professor at Pepperdine University. The Nutty Professor, indeed! 

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

 

The Beverly Hillbillies is, of course, based on the classic TV series of the same name. It came out during the time in the nineties when Hollyweird was putting out movies based on old TV shows left and right. (I guess it was easier than to come up with original shit!) The plot of the movie is pretty much the same as the show: a backwoods family discovers oil in their backyard and they strike it rich and move to Beverly Hills as a result and sheer hilarity ensues! The same characters from the show are also featured in the movie: the Clampett family, the banker Mr. Drysdale (played by Dabney Coleman) and Miss Hathaway (played by Lily Tomlin) along with a few other characters, one of whom is played by (alleged) comedic actor Rob Schneider (in one of the few roles he got without having his nose burrowed firmly up Adam Sandler's ass!). This film also features a cameo from none other than Buddy Ebsen who, of course, played Clampett family patriarch Jed Clampett who plays his other noted TV role Barnaby Jones in this film (and is also his last starring role before his passing). Anyway, my favorite part about the movie--other than, of course, the "uber" hot Elly May Clampett being played by the "uber" hot Erika Eleniak (who starred in that other "classic" TV show Baywatch and who also starred in the earlier-reviewed film The Opponent)--is the scene when the Clampetts travel on the L.A. freeway for the first time in their old beat-up jalopy and this car pulls up next to them and the guy on the passenger side pulls out a gun on them and Jed--played in the film by the late Jim Varney (who played in those rather annoying "Ernest Goes To . . ." flicks)--pulls out his shotgun, points it at them and says, "This here's what I carry!" Oh yeah, Granny and Jethro are played by . . . aw, just watch the damn flick and find out for yourself, all right? 

OLD YELLER

 

Old Yeller is a heartwarming family tale of a young boy who winds up blowing his beloved dog's brains out after he contracts rabies. Watch it with the PETA member in your life!



ALMOST FAMOUS

 

Almost Famous tells the story of a teenaged wannabe rock journalist who winds up following a rock band called Stillwater around on tour. It stars Goldie Hawn progeny Kate Hudson in her only-as-yet-even-halfway-memorable film role as, of all things, a groupie-with-a-heart-of-gold named--hold on for it!--Penny Lane. Frankly, I think the two most memorable things about this film is Kate Hudson's all-too-brief nude scene--since, after all, she is playing a groupie-with-a-heart-of-gold!--and the scene where said teenaged wannabe rock journalist has a meeting with an older established rock journalist named--again, hold on for it!--Lester Bangs played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman. During their meeting, Bangs talks about what he less-than-affectionately terms Rock Geniuses, i.e. these pretentious-as-hell rock stars (and, yep, I'm looking at YOU, Bozo, uh, I mean, Bono!) who pretentiously think that their songs are gonna change the whole freakin' world with the pretentious freakin' songs (and, yep, I'm looking at YOU, Bob Dylan!). Hey, it's worked out great so far, hasn't it?