THE KARATE KID VS. THE KARATE KID

 

I'll admit, I haven't really watched the remake of the (mostly) beloved eighties flick The Karate Kid starring martial arts action star Jackie Chan and Will Smith's kid what's-his-danged-name. The original, of course, starred Ralph Macchio--who's perhaps best known nowadays as a contestant on that rather asinine Dancing With The Stars--and Pat Morita (who, besides The Karate Kid flicks, is perhaps best known for his role in the "classic" TV show Happy Days). Both flicks are about bullied "kids" who are taught martial arts by Asian martial arts masters/handymen and are subsequently entered into martial arts tournaments to kick the living crap out of their bullies (and guess who wins?). Anyway, I was always a fan of the original KK ever since I first saw it in a movie theater back when it was first released (though I thought the sequels were rather lackluster). Like I said, I haven't really watched the remake save for bits & pieces of it, and what I have seen has left me feeling rather . . . disturbed. Why? Well, for one, in the remake, Jackie Chan is actually whopping on actual kids whereas in the original Pat Morita is whopping on twenty-somethings pretending to be kids. There's also a scene in the remake where Jackie Chan, in an obvious spin on the classic "wax on, wax off" scene in the original, is using a jacket to teach Will Smith's kid what's-his-danged-name some karate move and he's saying--and, no, I'm NOT making this up!--"jacket on, jacket off" and so on and so forth. Plus the remake stars Will Smith's kid what's-his-danged-name (gee, I wonder how in the blessed hell he got THAT job!). I mean, it's bad enough that I have to see Will Smith in the pictures, am I right, people!